The Vampire Diaries 162 Candles S01E08 (CW)

The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia

The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia

Fresh on the heels of the boring Twilight craze, and the well-deserved True Blood phase, CW is offering up its latest in teen dramas. Apparently, this show drew 5 million viewers its first night. That’s probably due to Twilight-hype. I can’t stand Twilight. It sucks ass. I couldn’t read the books, but read a review from Dan Bergstein on those Stephanie Meyer books. It was very entertaining. The movie kind of sucked as well.

This is the situation, as I’ve divined it using my psychic powers. The Fox network saw that Twilight was really working well. Wow, maybe vamps are cool again, said one exec. Another said, maybe not, remember Forever Knight. Then, everyone went bonkers for True Blood. The same exec said it confirmed his theory that vamps are back in, notably teen vamps, not crazy sex-addicted vamps. One exec mentioned Teen Wolf, the other slapped him on the back of the head.

So, we need to find a teen vampire series. Wait, my daughter used to read some vampire thingie called The Vampire Diaries in the 90s. Let’s pressure L. J. Smith to write some sequels as an added incentive. That will make it cool!

Warning: spoilers ahead

* * * * *

Damon continues with his nefarious plan of worldwide vampiric domination, as well as playing around with some teenagers. He’s made Caroline his ghoul bitch, and she always does what she’s told to do. He’s also got plans for the vampire pedophile’s friend vampire friend Lexi, who’s in town. Damon also insinuates himself easily into the conspiracy. Elena and the Stefan the vampire pedo are talking again, thanks to Lexi, who dies a terrible death to keep the Salvatores cover.

Bonnie is going loony because of the necklace and her witch powers. She doesn’t return Damon’s necklace, which makes Damon very cross at the teenager. Caroline isn’t dead, but gets shit faced.

* * * * *

Lexi comes by for a visit. She’s in town for Stefan’s birthday. He’s 162. The Sheriff is investigating Vicki’s disappearance. All of them are at the Sheriff’s office answering some questions. Elena tells Stefan to stay away from her.

Lexi is older than Damon and Stefan. She warns Damon to stay away from her.

Bonnie is told by her Grandma that she needs to wear the crystal to protect her. Bonnie wanted to give it back to Caroline.

Jenna and Elena think that Jeremy is acting strange. He’s doing his homework.

Damon comes by to the Sheriff’s office to drop something off. It’s some Verbena. She tells him that they suspect that the vamps are walking around during the day. That’s smart of Damon. Spying on the enemy.

Elena doesn’t want to get out of bed. She tells Bonnie that she broke it off with Stefan. Bonnie shows off some telekinetic powers to Elena to make her feel better.

Damon dominates Caroline. He tells her to have a party at the Grill and to get his crystal back from Bonnie. Damon invites Lexi and Stefan to the party. He’s got some plan. Elena drops by and sees Lexi. She leaves. Lexi wants to know why Stefan is going nutty about her.

Stefan goes to see Elena and tells her that Lexi is his 350-year old vampire friend. There is nothing between them. He tells her that he’s going to Caroline’s party. It’s his birthday. She says that she’s staying in.

Caroline tries to get the necklace back, but she gets shocked by it. Bonnie says that she can’t give it back to her. Caroline reports back to Damon. He’s pissed. He goes outside and drains a boy. He implants the girl with some memories of who did this to the boy. My guess is that it’s Lexi. That would put the heat off the Salvatores.

Elena asks Damon what he did to Jeremy. Damon says that he took away his suffering. Elena arrives. Lexi has a talk with her. She says that her true love was also human and he went through the same thing as Elena.

Matt brings a drunk Caroline out and finds her mom there. Matt takes her home. Lexi asks Damon why he is in Mystic Falls. While they are talking, the Sheriff walks in and injects Verbena into Lexi. They take her away. This happened after the girl identified her. When Lexi is outside, she reveals her true self. The Sheriff starts shooting at her but it’s to no avail. Damon arrives and stakes Lexi. The Sheriff thanks him profusely.

Damon decides that he needs to kill Damon. He’ll never change. They fight. Stefan stakes him, but not in the heart.

Bonnie has some dreams given to her by the crystal. She is told by her ancestor Emily that it is coming and wakes up in the cemetery.

* * * * *

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