A Vampire Comments On Twilight

I thought that this was pretty funny. A vampire comments on Twilight and New Moon.

Readers: does anyone know what a Mormon human actually is? Apparently Stephanie Meyer, the human female responsible for the Twilight novels, is a Mormon human. And just this week I have read in one of our many liberal newsweeklies that “New Moon offers a fascinating glimpse into the oft-overlooked complexities of the Mormon human mind”. I am sure that this sentence will be repeated between dainty sips of plasmatinis at many a downtown Cluj-Napoca cocktail party this season. But what in the world does it mean?

Some commentators have decided that Bella’s love for Edward bodes well for the future of Mormon-vampire relations (think blood donations and the like). What these optimists miss is that Bella Swan doesn’t love Edward because he’s a vampire. No, she loves him because he channels all of his powers into being a perfect capitalist human: he’s rich, he drives a Volvo, he has a large and expensive wardrobe, he never sleeps, he never decays. When Bella begs Edward to “change” her, it isn’t because she wants to be like us: it’s because she wants to stay a young human forever, and for him to do the same. Parents! Talk to your children about what they’re watching. By the time they tell you they’re giving up on blood – or “going Mormon” – it’s usually too late.

★

{via 3QD}