"When I say I'm ready to go wild, I'm gonna go wild." via NYmag
I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true. This episode was definitely better than last week’s. MTV decided to pull the footage of that dude punching out Schnickers, even though they showed it in previews a bunch of times in the past.
The Situation is getting a bit pathetic. For all of his talk about pulling girls, he clearly doesn’t know what he’s doing. He always wants to get them in the hot tub then into bed. Usually, if people want to hook up, they’ll hook up. This gives the girls he brings back ample chance to reconsider and leave. This has happened every single time.
This week, I watched the show again via the MTV website.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
Ron is talking about Sammi meeting her friend. They both made themselves jealous and he bolted. Meanwhile, Sammi thought that Jenni and Ron hooked up at the house.
I’m going to knock the f*** that bitch up.
Sammi about Jenni
Sammi comes back and is a bitch to Ron, so he decides to be in her face. It’s like they are 14 years old. They kind of make up.
The Situation comes back with some chicks. His plan is for Pauly and him to hook up with them. Naturally, that’s not what happens. The girls decide to leave while Mike is looking for a condom.
As usual, Sammi gets paranoid the next day. Jenni calls Tommy, her boyfriend. She apologizes for hooking up with Pauly. They kind of make up as well.
At the shop, Sammi finds it awkward with Ronnie, who’s working. Ronnie is able to make her feel better. They go back home and hook up some more. Sammi says that they had sex. There are these annoying fireworks while they talk about it. WTF.
Pauly, Ronnie, and Mike hit the tanning salon and the gym. Then they go get a haircut. Ronnie and The Situation start talking shit. The Situation admits that they were going at Ronnie. Vinny is around, but he’s the most invisible of all of the HM. I haven’t seen much of him at all. I guess he’s eclipsed by the crazier characters.
Mike would bang a Gatorade bottle if it had a pulse at this point.
Ronnie
Snooki calls her mom. She’s coming up tomorrow. It’s her birthday. They all go to Karma again. Snooki promises to go wild. She does a few backflips and shows her junk to everyone. Her whole crotch is in the air. Jenni is very proud of her. WTF. She’s proud that Snooki is showing her privates to everyone?
We beat up that beat!
Pauly
I guess there something in Guido culture about beating beats up and pumping their fists. There is a lot of it in this episode. I know of this trend because of my past in raves and clubs as a DJ. I’m surprised to find that this actually happens in bars now.
During the dancing, Jenni jumps on Pauly, wrapping her legs around his hips. Both Pauly and The Situation are working the girls hard. I think that Pauly is having more success. He’s more genuine. The Situation has been working on two girls for a while. He wants to take them home. They see some better-looking girls in a Benz convertible and take them home instead. Snooki has some guy walk her home. He’s not her type. She doesn’t even know his name. It’s Russ.
The girls don’t want to get into the hot tub. Snooki gets lost and they hang out at the beach. The Situation is working his girl hard. The original girls show up at the house. I wonder if there’s going to be a catfight. How did they find them? It doesn’t really matter. One of the Benz girls told Pauly that the other girl has a boyfriend. The Situation tells them that he is kicking the other girls out. They take the original girls back up to the hot tub. He lies to them and tells them that the other girls are their roommates. The Benz girls don’t really believe them, but The Situation wasn’t getting anywhere with them.
Pauly D was with the Grenade.
The Situation
Pauly says that he was willing to take one for the team.
My girl was so busted.
Pauly D
I would so do your dishes, but it’s bothering so much now.
The blonde chick
Pauly gets annoyed with his girl and decides to ditch her. He leaves her for The Situation, who can’t handle her.
It’s warming up 1 degree every two hours. Mike takes his girl away from The Grenade. He starts getting busy with his girl and The Grenade isn’t happy. She comes up to get her friend. The Grenade tells her friend that she shouldn’t be doing this with The Situation. Pauly isn’t helping out.
That girl, she was a bomb. And Pauly didn’t know the code to decipher the bomb.
The Situation
Once again, The Situation has struck out. Meanwhile, Snooks is on the beach with her fatty. Nothing happened and Snooki says that she wasted her time. Snooks also struck out!
Tommy calls the house. He tells Jenni that his boy, Russ aka Ron, saw her dancing all night with Pauly. She denies it.
His douchebag friend was checking up on me.
Jenni
Jenni complains to Schnickers. She calls Tom back and gives him some attitude. Snooks says that because it was house music, it was fine. She talks to Tom. She doesn’t understand them.
JWOWW is my girl in the house, but I don’t get it.
Schnookers
Scnooks Sr. comes by. It’s her birthday.
That night, they all go out again to some bar. The HM are having fun. Three frat guys keep hanging around them. They steal the HM’s drinks. Mike gets another round and they try to steal them again. One of the douchebags punches Snooki in the face. There is a brawl. Snookers is on the floor crying.
He gets arrested and is told that he’s going to jail. The cops were nearby, so they are able to diffuse the situation. He keeps whining that he got punched.
So what do we have to look forward to next week? Jenni getting into a fight with someone.
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