Jersey Shore Kissing Cousins S02E22/S03E09 (MTV)

Deena and Snooki, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.

Sammi finally leaves after having constant arguments with Ron over the last few days. It got pretty bad. They have a very dysfunctional relationship. They both need to behave as adults before they can be together. I doubt that this will ever happen though.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

The action picks up right the next morning. Snooki kicks Gianni out because he’s a bad snuggler and a bad lay. She tells Jenni. Snooki calls Nick.

Pauly tries to wake up Deena and Mike to go to work. Deena is hung over. Mike and Pauly play some games. They take a long break. Their boss is pissed. Mike buys a mini bike.

Ron calls his dad. His dad asks him if he wants him to come down and pick him up. Ron says yes. His dad is downstairs. That’s a nice dad. They go for lunch. His dad says that it will get better in time. If he leaves, it will still be with him. Ron says that he will stick it out. His dad says that if in a few days he’s still feeling as bad, he’ll come pick him up.

The boys play with the mini bike on the patio. Ron is laughing watching Vinny have a go.

Snooki calls Nick, but he’s not picking up. She leaves a lot of messages. Jenni learns that Nick’s friend cousin is Gianni. That’s why he’s not answering. She hooked up with Nick, Jeff, and Gianni. She keeps it in the family.

The toilet is still clogged up. Danny gave them a toilet snake. Vinny gives it a try. He strikes out again.

Vinny teases Snooki about Gianni. They make up. The HM go out again.

I don’t want to pull a Nicole on Nick.
Jenni

Jenni meets some dudes that know Roger. One of them is a prostitute. Snooki goes into Vinny’s bed to cuddle. He refuses. Snooki thinks that it’s because he’s sober.

Ron calls Sammi. He says that he was wrong. She tells him that if she comes back she wants to be his friend. In a VT, he says that if she comes back to be friends, he’d leave. Snooki and Deena throw marshmallows everywhere. They make Mike call a cab for them. He orders a cab for them to take them to Times Square.

The HM are waiting for Mike to get ready. Mike is wasting time on the phone. The boys decide to leave without him. Pauly talks about what Mike did with Gina last night. He tried a robbery and they say that it shows his character. Obviously, Pauly doesn’t use these words.

Mike whinges to Jenni. He likes Jenni’s dog. He goes with her to get some food. Jenni’s got her two dogs on her while she’s driving. When Mike tries to honk, he gets nipped. Mike has dinner by himself. He pretends that the HM are there. It’s pathetic.

Sammi is going back to the Jersey Shore.

Snooki and Deena realize that they are driving to NYC. They don’t sound happy. They made the cab turn around. The boys come back from Rivoli’s.

They all overate because the portions are so big. Jenni tells the boys that Mike is really sad.

He has to bang you to win your friendship back.
Deena

Deena and Snooks are pissed at Mike. Snooks gets over it but wants to prank Mike. Vinnie apologizes to Snooks. Pauly comes in and brings a bit of levity to the situation. Ron, Pauly, and Vinny thought that the girls would realize where they were heading.

The HM are getting ready to go out again. Sammi just walks in. Ron walks out.

I wish my head would be a condom ‘cause I’m getting mindfucked.
Ron

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