Jersey Shore The Great Depression S02E21/S03E08 (MTV)

Deena and Snooki, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.

Sammi finally leaves after having constant arguments with Ron over the last few days. It got pretty bad. They have a very dysfunctional relationship. They both need to behave as adults before they can be together. I doubt that this will ever happen though.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

Sammi left. Ron is shocked that she left after he destroyed all of her belongings. WTF. He’s a douche. Ron is crying. Mike is trying to make him feel better.

Some days I’m Uncle Situation, other days I’m Dr. Situation. I’m Chef Situation. Bang a Girl Situation. I’m just a… pretty deep dude.
Mike

Listening to Mike about relationship problems is like listening to a sailor about flying a plane.
Ron

Sammi arrives home. She tells her mom what Ron did.

Mentally, I feel like I’ve been abused.
Sammi

Her mom tells her to move on if there’s no happiness.

Ron asks the girls about what happened with Sam. They all tell him after what he did, they would have left as well.

1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a prank war.
Pauly

Deena and Snooki put cake in Vinnie’s face. Pauly and Vinnie retaliate by putting stinky garbage in their pillows. Deena was hiding under her bed. She takes it and puts it under Vinnie’s pillow.

Vinnie takes Snooki’s crocodile and hides it. he hangs it off a railing. Mike shows her where her croc is. Vinnie is annoyed with Mike.

His name isn’t Sitch anymore, it’s Snitchuation.
Vinnie

The next day, they go to work. Ron clogged up all three toilets. Vinnie needs to take a crap, and tries to unclog it. He gives up.

At work, Ron goes to the toilet to have a little cry. Snooki needs to take a crap.

If he’s crying in the corner, that’s pretty much is gonna be a cockblock all night.
Mike

Jenni, Pauly, and Mike want to do something so that Ron gets out of his funk. Jenni decides that they should take away Sam’s stuff today. When Ron comes home, Ron sends Sammi and her sister some roses. The boys go for a haircut. The girls move Sam’s stuff to their room. The boys take as long as they can. Ron notices that Sam forgot bag. The girls deny moving her stuff. Jenni calls Sam. She stops talking when Ron is around. Ron figured out what happened.

The HM go ride go-carts. Deena gets a bad stomach ache. Sammi’s sister calls Ron to thank him for the flowers. Sam is on the line. Ron doesn’t know what to say. He says that he’ll talk to her later and hangs up. He thinks that they need a break.

I’m in the bathroom getting fresh to death as I do, and I see these disgusting panties. I need to investigate this.
Pauly

He puts them in the living room. They belong to a girl. They throw them out. The HM go to Karma. Deena is constipated. The HM make fun of her. She doesn’t like it.

At Karma, Pauly meets Gina an ex-girlfriend. Mike pulls a robbery. He just interrupts the conversation and grabs her. Pauly can’t believe this. Ronnie is upset and depressed. Snooki tells him that he shouldn’t be with her. Ronnie wants to get her back.

Deena turns into a sloppopotamus. A slop tart and a hippopotamus put together.
Mike

A girl with nice tattoos talks with Vinny. He’s into her. Snooki wants a hot gorilla juicehead. Snooki hooks up with some dude. On the way home, Deena can’t walk.

My boobs are like 20 pounds. Your butt is bumping on my vag.
Jenni

Mike makes fun of her relentlessly. She freaks out and is crying when she comes home. Ron gives her a pep talk. He makes her feel better. He tells her that they pick on her because she’s like their baby sister.

Snooki and Gianni claim the smush room. Vinny realizes that Gianni is the one who cockblocked him with his uncle. They go up and cockblock him. Vinny grabs Snooki out of the room. Snooki really wants to screw. She doesn’t remember his name. Vinny gets busy with his girl Kristen. Mike wants to get Vinny’s leftovers. He takes a burger up for Vin and feeds it to him. Deena tells Ron that they took Sammi’s stuff downstairs. Deena is trying to comfort Ron. Ron is thinking about leaving.

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