Jersey Shore Cheesy Situation S02E23/S03E10 (MTV)

Deena and Snooki, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.

Sammi returns and Ron has trouble adapting to single life. He’s been acting strange, kind of like a fifth grader. He needs counseling in my opinion, or anger management classes. Probably both. He was abusive to Sammi and she hasn’t forgiven him yet.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

So Sammi is back and Ron walks out. The girls are happy that Sammi is back. Sammi says that she is single.

I didn’t even know she was gone ×2.
Pauly

Mike isn’t thrilled. Ron doesn’t look happy. Ron walks in and says hello. Sammi says that Ronnie looks pale. He says that it was like seeing a ghost. The girls tell Sammi that Ronnie was really depressed. Sammi says that Ron needed that. He put her through hell.

Mike and Pauly imitate how Sammi was with Ronnie. It’s pretty funny. Sammi is getting dressed up. Snooki tells Vinny that he wants to cuddle with him tonight. Snooki wants his penis, whom she named affectionately Moby Dick.

The HM go out to Karma.

When Sam comes out with a new blue dress, I’m like God you’re fucking hot, fuck me, right?
Ronnie

Ronnie is hovering. Sammi is flirting.

Sam is doing her own thing, and Ron is like a little puppy dog chasing her.
Snooki

Ron finally gets the message and leaves. The other HM stay at Karma. Snooki tells Sam that she likes Vinny a lot. Vinny isn’t really into her. Vinny meets Laura, a Dominican. He finds a girl for Pauly and they are DTF so they leave. Sammi and Snooki head home.

Both Pauly and Vinny have their girls in their room. Snooki comes home drunk and almost freaks out. Ron is being responsible and tries to do good by keeping her away. Meanwhile, Sam is insulting Ron. Snooki goes to bed and says that she is over Vinny. Sammi tells Ron that she can’t be in a relationship with a liar and a cheater. In the VT, she says that their time isn’t now, maybe later.

Jenni and Deena walk home. They end up peeing on their feet. Vinny and Pauly call some cabs for their girls. Snooki is pretty pathetic. She slept with Gianni a few days ago. Vinny doesn’t really care. He says that she is a hypocrite. Vinny talks to her. She is drunk. A few minutes later, Sammi is crying.

The HM are going bowling. Snooki is hung over, mad at Vinny, and tired. Deena wants to drive. She’s a terrible driver. She’s convinced that she is a great driver.

Deena might be the worst driver in the Tri-State area. I was scared for my life.
Pauly

We’re gonna die ×5.
Pauly

All of the HM drop their drinks.

Pauly tells Deena that she isn’t driving home. Sammi asks Vinny how he feels about Vinny.

The HM come back. Snooki tells Jenni that she likes like Vinny. Jenni says that he’s in her comfort zone. Jenni thinks that she was just being drunk and stupid. Jenni says that she was crying all night.

The girls say that Snooki keeps looking for relationships. She can’t just hook up with people. Snooki tells Vinny to leave her alone. He leaves. Pauly says that he cleaned the toilet 2 days ago and it’s blocked up again. Ron puts some tissues in his nose and tries to tackle it. He starts retching. They open the lid and run off.

I’m choking on the smell. I can taste it in my mouth right now.
Ron

The smell is like permenating through the in the air. It’s just not a good situation. I can’t elaborate.
Mike, trying to say permeating

Jenni calls Danny for help. Danny tells them that he can help them tomorrow. It’s Sunday night and he’s busy. The next day, the plumbers arrive.

The fat one is kind of cute. I would hang out with that.
Snooki

The plumbers are surprised to find out that someone flushed down a shirt. The girls think that it belongs to Vinny. The plumbers don’t clean up the shit. The HM have to do this. Jenni tells Roger about the flushed t-shirt. It was a wife beater. The boys come back. Snooki hasn’t cleaned anything so she steps up to clean that shit up.

Ronnie gives Sammi some sweats. Sammi wants to be sober and hang out. Ron, Sam, and Nicole go out to be sober together.

Fuck you alcohol.
Snooki

It’s raining. The other HM go to Aztec. Vinny meets a bisexual girl.

-Are you fully gay?
-No
Vinny to a girl

Ron asks Snooki what she is going to do to get Mike back. They put some cheese in his bed. Then, they put some grated cheese and cream cheese. That’s gross.

Ya got cheesed, ya cheesy bastard.
Sam

Pauly and Mike bring back some girls.

The next day, Mike thinks that the girl from last night was stinky.

She smelled like grated cheese. I had to kick her out.
Mike

Sam and Snooki laugh it up. Jenni calls up a health line. Mike got a BJ from her. The dude on the line says that herpes is transmitted this way and that the girl probably had a yeast infection. Snooki apologizes to Vinny.

* * * * *

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