Jersey Shore At the End of the Day S02E26/S03E13 (MTV)

Deena and Snooki, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.

The shit is still hitting the fan because Sammi made out with a douchebag a few years ago and lied about it to Mike and Ron. WTF.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

It was never like that.
Sammi to Arvin

Mike keeps pushing it, and Sammi has dug her own hole, at least when it comes to Ron. Ron hangs up the phone for Sammi, while she was talking with Arvin.

Ron dog, you ain’t that dumb dog.
Mike

Danny is throwing them a BBQ for the HM. Ron feels embarrassed about the whole situation. She says that she hooked up with him 3 years ago. She lied to him. Ron says that there are two options. Either she fixes the situation, or she leaves.

Ron goes to work with a Rush t-shirt. It’s another t-shirt store down the boardwalk which Danny hates. Ron lies down on some filing cabinets and takes a nap. The HM go to the BBQ. They could invite 3 people. Jenni’s dad arrives. Pauly and Deena invited some friends.

I can do the worm pretty good, but I didn’t want my cookah to hang out.
Snooki

Pauly is DJing.

Vinny meets Lisa, one of Deena’s friends, and tries to flirt with her, by grabbing her. Deena tries to grab her away from Vinny. Deena is cockblocking him. Then, she cockblocks him some more.

All she’s been is a cockblocker.
Vinny

Sam tells Ron that if he’s friends with Mike, she can’t be with him. Whatever.

Back at the house, Deena asks Pauly why Vinny is mad at her. She asks him the same question. She says that she’s been nothing but nice with everyone in this house. Vinny replies that she hasn’t been that nice to him. He calls her an Angelina, which is apparently the ultimate insult in the Jersey Shore house. Pauly steps out of the conversation. Deena and Lisa leave for her bedroom. Lisa has to explain to Deena that he called her an Angelina because she was a fucking cockblock tonight. This riles Deena up and she comes out and berates Vinny. She tells him to go fuck himself. Tht

Whiskeyfuck is when a guy can have sex for like five hours because he’s so drunk. Or his penis is so drunk.
Snooki

Pauly says that it jealousy because Vinny wanted to hook up with Lisa. Vinny says that if Deena isn’t having a good time, no one can have a good time.

The next day, Mike apologizes to Sammi. The next day, Deena is still upset at Vinny. They think that Vinny will get over it. I don’t know, this is the last episode this season. The HM go to dinner. It’s pretty quiet. Pauly tries to lighten the mood. The HM are quiet.

Snooki does a cartwheel.

-Cookah!
-Did you see cookah?
-Yep.
-Are you sure?
-Yep.
-You can’t see it that bad. You can see my crotch.
Pauly and Snooki

The HM go out to Karma. Jenni sees Roger there. He wants to know if they are going to be exclusive while she’s away. Jenni thinks about it for a few seconds, and she says that yes, they are going to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Jenni looks happy.

It’s been so long since I felt butterflies for a guy that I didn’t even know what it felt like until tonight.
Jenni

Jenni talks to the girls. They are happy. It’s like a guido rite of passage I guess. Deena keeps falling down. Pauly hooks up with two chicks. Nick, Pauly’s hair lookalike, is there for Snooki. She takes him home. She promised him a grill cheese. He wants it and she delivers. Then, they screw.

Sam is with her group of guy friends, and Ron is jealous.

The way he sad it to me was kind of douchebaggy.
Sammi

Ron and Sammi argue on the way home. Sammi is drunk and being nasty. Ron walks away from her. Roger calls in sick at work. Jenni was near him and messes it up.

I might have to be sugar momma because he might be unemployed.
Jenni

Ron and Sammi argue some more. Ron makes her cry. Vinny and Mike are downstairs. The whole house is hearing them argue. It was a drunken argument. Mike takes Ron outside. Ron is also crying. Deena decides to make Vinny two grill cheeses.

This guy’s tall. I’m gonna call you Tree. Hi Tree.
Vinny

Sammi doesn’t want to get out of bed the next day. Roger leaves. Jenni feels great. She likes that he’s committed to her. One of Jenni’s dogs takes a crap on the carpet again. Then, the bitch rubs her ass on the pillow.

That rug reminds me of Ron and Sammi’s relationship.
Mike

Ron and Sammi talk. Sammi says that she isn’t proud of her actions. She apologizes. She says that she made out with Arvin a few years ago, not recently. He’s still angry. Ron says that he needs his space. She asks him if this is over. He says yeah.

It’s not about being lovey-dovey, it’s about not being nasty and thinking so negative.
Ron

The HM start packing. They are leaving. Ron and Sam leaves separately.

Me and Vinny are friends with benefits. We are not Ron and Sam. That’s an insult.
Snooki

Vinny leaves in a nice Benz. Ron left in a 5-series BMW. Mike leaves in a Range Rover. Jenni leaves in another BMW, 3-series I believe. Pauly leaves. Snooki and Deena leave in a BMW 3-series coupe.

* * * * *

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