The cast reunited, via Vulture
I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. The cast is heading to Italy to meet real Italians. We all know that this will only end in tears. At the end of this episode, we saw some previews in which Mike ended in a stretcher after Ronnie attacked him over stuff that happened last season.
Even though they are idiotic at times, they are entertaining to watch. Deena falls down as soon as the plane hits Italy. Snooki is the only girl who can drive stick, so she’s the designated driver for the girls.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
“It’s going to be like an international panty raid.”
Pauly D
The show starts with Snooki, trying to explain where or what Italy is. She has trouble. A lot of trouble. She mixes up Europe and Italy, etc. It’s pretty funny although I’m not sure how genuine it is. They are supposedly American Italians, so it would make sense that they’d know where Italy is.
“I have no idea where Italy is on a map.”
Snooki
Vinny wants to meet a traditional girl. Deena won’t put out on the first night.
“I don’t know if the HM will recognize me with this beard.”
Vinny
Snooki has got a new boyfriend named Jionni. She’s been seeing him for 6 months. Jenni is still with Roger.
Holy crap, Jenni looks like crap. She’s had a nose-job, facelift, eye-tuck, botox, etc. She looks disgusting. She’s become a poster child of what not to do when you get plastic surgery. It kind of hurts my eyes to look at her. It looks like a cheap porn star job.
Sammi has had a boob job.
The boys and girls hook up separately. It’s a race to get to the house in Italy first. Snooki has packed 8 bags.
The boys have a connecting flight through Madrid, Spain. The girls have a connecting flight through Düsseldorf, Germany.
The girls land in Milan.
“I’m down a can of bronzer. I only have 8 cans left and in my world, that will last me about 10 days.”
Jenni“I’m going to shit my pants.”
Snooki
The girls are trying to get onto a bus. Deena falls to the ground. Deena falls again. Their bus hits traffic.
They guys land in Florence. Mike packed 9 suitcases. They take a taxi and arrive 1st. The house is pretty sweet.
“Let me not get myself in that kind of situation.”
Ronnie
Vinny notices the bidet.
The girls arrive. Sammi says that Ronni looks good.
“I don’t know Single Sammi.”
Pauly D“It feels like I’m having sex.”
Deena“My heart is racing and I smell King Kong’s asshole.”
Snooki
The boys help the girls with their bags. Deena rooms with Pauly and Vinny. Ronnie and Sitch are in a room.
The HM have trouble with the voltage. Deena has got no idea what she is saying. She talks about the electricity, and Pauly D looks at her bewildered. The big trouble is the hair dryers. They all use them and can’t. Ron breaks a side table
“Oh my God a Ferris wheel!”
Snooki about the merry-go-round
The HM explore their neighborhood.
Mike learns that Snooki isn’t single. He says that she won’t stay like that long. Sammi immediately tells Snooki. Sammi thinks that Mike want so to ruin Snooki’s relationship.
The next day, Pauly wakes everyone up with a ‘grenade horn’. He wants to do GTL. Only Snooki and Pauly can drive stick. They have two superminis. The navigation system in the car is in Italian. It took about 15 seconds and the girls lost the boys. The girls drive back to the house. They decide to go shopping.
A pigeon scares the girls to death.
“These pigeons are ruthless in Italy. They will attack you and bite your ears off.”
Snooki
The boys find a gym. They work out.
Snooki works out in the house. She does all of these little exercises.
“I don’t know where Snooki got these workouts from. It looks like she’s having sex with herself.”
Pauly
Later, the girls break their hair straighteners and blowdryers. Deena starts sizzling her hair or her weave.
Mike tells Ronnie that he hooked up with Snookie two, three months ago. It happened in LA. They’ve been hooking up a few different times. The most recent time, she was seeing Jionni. Ronnie has trouble believing Mike. Mike kind of likes Snooki now. He’s eerily calm when he talks to Ron about this. This is after they “told” him that Snooki wasn’t single.
Vinny finds a club.
“Taxi arrivato!”
Pauly
Vinny orders the cabs. He’s the only one who can speak and understand a big of Italian. Vinny corrects Pauly’s Italian about the cabs.
“Wow, I see your vagina.”
Snooki to Jenni
Vinny likes Deena’s attributes. They go to a club named Otel. The HM like the club. All of the guys need Vinny to translate.
“That will keep Ronnie away from the Dark Side.”
Vinny
Mike goes around kissing the girls on the cheeks. Ronnie thinks that Mike should stop trying to mess things up for Snooks.
Mike kisses Snooki and tells her he loves her. Both Jenni and Ronnie tells Snooki to be careful.
Deena has a crush on Pauly and she makes out with him. There is a lot of tongue action. It’s pretty disgusting. I had to look away. It reminded me of dogs licking each other.
From the previews, it looks like the most serious incident this season will involve Ronnie and Mike. They have a serious fight one night, and Mike ends up in a stretcher.
* * * * *
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Haha that beginning where Pauly D and Deena were talking about their plans for Italy was hilarious. I seriously sneezed soda out my nose when Deena said she plans on bringing a guy home, “but I won’t do sex… Maybe just figure them out and maybe do sex later.” hahah, you can watch the intro at http://vimeo.com/27636564.
also thought it was awesome to hear MNDR’s “Cut Me Out” what a great clubbing song, I got really into her when they used her last season and this is such an infectious jam.