Jersey Shore Love at the Jersey Shore S05E07 (MTV)

The cast reunited, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true. I’ve also noticed that the vocabulary that the cast uses is quite insidious and sometimes appropriate, especially if you go out a lot and date. The words DTF, creeping, and other terms are a common occurrence when you open your eyes. The vocabulary is also very easy to use.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. Mike is being nice and the HM can’t believe their luck. They think that he’s up to something. This makes Mike paranoid and he actually gets up to something by calling his pal The Unit to create some drama in next week’s episode.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

Juicehead Roger is still going off at Jenny on the phone. He wants to know if they are still together or not, if they are going to try. Jenni thought she was going to apologize and it would be fine, but Roger wants it all out there. Jenni says that she wants to stay together. Roger is apologizing too. I guess they are adults now. WTF

Roger is like 65 years old.
Deena

The girls tell her that she was being a little brat. The Meatballs think that Danny will be very mad at them. They decide to bake a cake for Danny.

That’s a Meatball problem right there!
Jenni

-I forgot that we really at work at one point.
-Me too.
Deena and Snooki

The HM are having an early night. Mike sabotages the cake and eats it. Deena is pissed the next day. Everyone thinks it’s Mike.

Deena still gives it to Danny. He thinks it’s cute. Jenni takes Snooki to the gynecologist.

Deena gets an airbrush on her arm to see what it looks like to have a tattoo.

I feel really mad whore with this sleeve.
Deena

Deena gets the cake in the face. That was a bit mean, but so was getting drunk on the job.

The doc says that Snooki is going on antibiotics. She can’t drink. Mike goes to work by himself. Nicole and Jenni are MIA.

Vinny tells Danny that they are at the doctor’s. Danny is pissed that they didn’t phone him.

This is freaking retail abuse.
Snooki at the prospect of actually doing some work

Everyone is annoyed at Mike for eating the cake.

Pauly confesses to eating the cake.

The kid really does get blamed for everything.
Deena

Mike wants Mean Mike back. The HM go to Karma. It’s Paula’s birthday. The girls start drinking a lot.

Honestly, I drank so much that my freaking UTI is drunk. I know he’s happy, I’m happy, everybody’s happy.
Snooki

If it was my birthday, I would have cameltoe too.
Pauly

Mike is thinking about making paul his girlfriend.

Pauly and Vinny do GTL then lunch. Vinny loses his keys, but they find them again.

Mike, Snooki and Jenni are sleeping. The others are going out to Jenkinson’s.

I got Gummy ankles.
Ronnie

Ron has a good time dancing. Sammi finds him hilarious. Deena meets Joey.

I have no idea how to speak clock language.
Snooki

Mike is creeping on Snooki.

He’s a nice guy but a bit of a dick at the same time.
Deena

Pauly plays a prank on Deena. He puts some disgusting dishes on her bed while she’s about to hook up with Joey. It takes her a while to notice it.

Then, Snooki and Jenni start messing with Joey. Snooki hooks him up with a condom.

I just want to see Deena and Joey have sex. I’m bored
Snooki

Deena says goodbye to Joey the next day.

Joey may have banged my back out of alignment.
Deena

Jenni is whoring herself up for Roger. She looks like a stripper. I guess he will be happy.

The HM go out to Karma. It’s crazy. Dudes getting tossed out, girls in cat fights. People are getting arrested.

Jenni wants a t-shirt because she thinks her stripper outfit is going to rip. Roger tells her not to worry about it. Naturally, there is a fight. Some DB gets too close to Jenny, she pushes him off repeatedly and he doesn’t get the message. He ends up punching Roger, who’s a lot bigger than he is.

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