Jersey Shore The Truth Will Set You Free S05E09 (MTV)

The cast reunited, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true. I’ve also noticed that the vocabulary that the cast uses is quite insidious and sometimes appropriate, especially if you go out a lot and date. The words DTF, creeping, and other terms are a common occurrence when you open your eyes. The vocabulary is also very easy to use.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. Mike’s master plan backfires when the Unit, stupid as he is, gets arrested.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

Snooki and Vinny come back and the HM are curious about what happened.

Stop trying to get into my man’s pants!
Pauly

The HM are going to Jenks. Joey calls to cancel on Deena. Sammi and Ronnie aren’t coming out. They are sleeping, as are Jenny and Nicole. Even the cab driver says that’s “That’s it?” when they get in.

A hot chick named Gina from NYC comes to see Pauly. She’s got hot glasses. Pauly sees Angelina, the ex-HM.

There definitely should be a butter named after me cause I’m so smooth.
Mike

Mike, Vinny and Pauly bring back some chicks. Mike gets into bed quickly with this girl but he strikes out. She says that she was shy.

Gina is DTF but she’s on her period. She came back with a girl too.

It’s like couples retreat. I feel like I need to be in a relationship in the house.
Pauly

Mike is starving, so he orders breakfast for everyone. That’s nice. He pays by credit card but hasn’t got any cash to tip the delivery kid. He asks the sleeping roommates, but they are all tapped out.

He ends up tipping the kid with protein.

Protein is money.
Mike

It’s Jenny’s one-year anniversary with Roger. She’s going to the sex store with Sammi and Deena.

I’m psychic half the time and I get these feelings.
Sam

Neither Sam nor Jenni think that Joey really likes her.

It’s time for Mike, Ronnie and Snooki to go to work. Snooki fills up a bottle of Gatorade with scotch. Mike does some work instead of sleeping. Ronnie is impressed. During the break, Mike calls his friend the Unit to set up Snooki.

I don’t want you to get drowned out by my freshness.
Pauly

Pauly and Vinny go out for pool. Pauly laments that the couples use the smush room for hanging out. When they get back. Vinny decides to take out the bed. Sammi catches them in the act.

Later, Jenni gets ready to decorate the bed and finds it MIA. Sammi points it out to Jenni. Jenni asks Vinny and Pauly, and Pauly starts out laughing while he’s pretending to sleep. She wants to get them back but admits that it was a good prank.

I didn’t think it would be this hard to have sex.
Jenni

Every time you answer the door you’re more naked than the last time.
Roger

The HM are going to Karma. Vinny is wearing a strange shirt.

Ron tells Deena that Joey just wants to get it in.

I can just see the future. I’m Sitchdramaus, this is going to get bad.
Mike

Snooki bumps into Jionni’s parents at Karma. Mike meets up with the Unit and they go over their plan. WTF. It’s a terrible plan made by juice-up idiots.

Deena asks Joey about his intentions. He says that she’s flipping. Sammi is also watching over her. Why does the Unit have the same haircut as Pauly?

Snooki sees the Unit. She’s is still with Jionni’s family. Mike is sweating like a pig.

Karma is filled with grenades.

When it comes to grenades, you just need to bounce before that blows up. You don’t want it to blow up in your face or at the club because you don’t want to hurt anybody.
Pauly

Snooki tries to get Jionni away from Karma. Mike spots her leaving and goes on the prowl with the Unit. They see them and then leave. I like the Unit’s girl. They’ve got matching neck tattoos. Mike tells the Unit that he needs to come back to the crib.

Pauly and Karma leave because the grenades are getting aggressive. Deena keeps looking for Joey. She starts talking to him and he walks away because she tried to confront him about what she heard.

The Unit is drunk. He can’t walk in a straight line. Mike takes him home. Before they get home, the Unit gets arrested. Wow, that’s being drunk. I think he insulted some cops before getting arrested.

Mike gets home and calls a friend about the Unit. Ronnie tells him to go to bed. He’s not going to get anywhere tonight.

The next day, Mikey tells Mike that Jonathan is getting released after they process him. Jionni is just about to leave as well. Mike is alone with him.

* * * * *

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