The Vampire Diaries S01E02 (CW)

The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia
The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia

Fresh on the heels of the boring Twilight craze, and the well-deserved True Blood phase, CW is offering up its latest in teen dramas. Apparently, this show drew 5 million viewers its first night. That’s probably due to Twilight-hype. I can’t stand Twilight. It sucks ass. I couldn’t read the books, but read a review from Dan Bergstein on those Stephanie Meyer books. It was very entertaining. The movie kind of sucked as well.

This is the situation, as I’ve divined it using my psychic powers. The Fox network saw that Twilight was really working well. Wow, maybe vamps are cool again, said one exec. Another said, maybe not, remember Forever Knight. Then, everyone went bonkers for True Blood. The same exec said it confirmed his theory that vamps are back in, notably teen vamps, not crazy sex-addicted vamps. One exec mentioned Teen Wolf, the other slapped him on the back of the head.

So, we need to find a teen vampire series. Wait, my daughter used to read some vampire thingie called The Vampire Diaries in the 90s. Let’s pressure L. J. Smith to write some sequels as an added incentive. That will make it cool!

Warning: spoilers ahead

* * * * *

The vampire pedophile is trying to get lucky with Elena, a teenager. Meanwhile, his vampiric demon brother pedophile goes around trying to scare little high school girls shitless. He’s here to spoil whatever pedophile ambitions Stefan is having at the moment.

Meanwhile, Jeremy is dealing dope and trying to get back into Vicki’s pants. No one is more surprised that rapist Ty, who had to force himself onto Vicki in order to bed her, at least that’s what she told Jeremy.

Just like normal teens, Elena can never make up her mind. Things are so “epic” in her life now that Stefan is in it, but he’s got severe family problems and, yeah, he’s also a bloodsucker. Guess which pedophile gets lucky at the end of the episode? Both!

I found this  episode really worse than the last one. At least the first episode showed some promise. This one was kind of annoyingly filled with fake teenage angst and pedophilia. Pedophilia, you ask? Well it’s like this. The lead vamp is over a century old. His paramour Elena is about 16. That equals pedophilia, right? Look, it’s not like he’s 20 and she’s 16, it’s more like he’s 500 and she’s 16. What could a century-old vampire want with a morose teenager? Your guess is as good as mine, but I’m sure that we’ll discover something soon.

* * * * *

Stefan warning his brother Damon off didn’t go too well. A couple is in a tent in the woods. The girl is obsessing about the rain. The boy goes out to get something. She hears something dripping on the tent. She goes out and sees that it’s the boy’s blood. She makes a run for the car, but it’s locked. Someone unlocks it for her from a distance and eats her.

Elena and Stefan continue their parallel journaling. They are both looking forward to seeing each other. Elena feels good. Her aunt has got Jeremy’s PTA meeting today. Jeremy has gone to see Vicki. He gets rebuffed quickly by a nurse.

Elena and Stefan exchange long flirtatious glances during class. They are obvious enough for the teacher to notice. Stefan gives her an old edition of Wuthering Heights.

Bonnie tells Caroline that she is a witch. Jeremy picks a fight with Tyler. Jeremy tells him that if he hurts Vicki one more time, he will kill him.

Stefan is spying on Matt and Elena. He finds out that Vicki mentioned a vampire. Stefan heads to the hospital to find out more. Matt finds Vicki all hyped up. When Matt runs to get a nurse, Stefan hypnotizes Vicki into believing that an animal attacked her. Matt sees someone leaving. It’s Stefan. He’s got to disappear. He comes into a blood clinic. It awakens his bloodlust. Stefan makes an escape through a window. Matt is perplexed.

Vicki wakes up. Jeremy pops in. She doesn’t want anyone to know about them. He tells her that he carried her out of the woods. She thanks him. She’s older than he is.

Jeremy’s teacher is concerned about him. He’s already skipped six classes. He thinks that Jeremy is on drugs. He gets onto Jenna’s case for not being tough enough with Jeremy. He suggests getting someone else in the family to help take care of the teenagers. Jane has a talk with Jeremy. He doesn’t stay.

Caroline tells Elena that she should jump Stefan. Elena drops by Stefan’s home. The door is unlocked and no one appears to be around. A crow flies in and she comes face-to-face with Damon. He tells her about Katherine, Stefan’s ex. Stefan arrives. There is some grave tension between them. Elena leaves. Stefan and Damon have terse words.

Elena comes home. Vicki has some nightmares. She sees Damon and his fangs in her dreams.

Bonnie and Elena are talking. She is shocked to find out that Elena hasn’t got Stefan’s mobile. They can’t even text. Caroline sees Damon skulking around. He disappears.

Stefan’s nephew Zack is surprised that Damon is here. He will cause trouble for them in Mystic Falls.

Tyler sees Vicki getting some pain pills from Jeremy. They make plans to hook up later. She gives Ty a brushoff. Stefan meets Elena to watch the comets. Stefan makes a lame come-on line to Elena. He’s a loser.

Vicki sees Damon at the grill. He goes attacks her and abducts her. Stefan finds her quickly enough. Damon uses Vicki to toy with Stefan and then makes her forget everything again. Damon is stronger than Stefan because he drinks human blood.

Stefan tries to find Elena and bumps into Bonnie and Caroline. Bonnie gives Stefan Elena’s mobile and email. She flashes when Stefan touches her.

Elena comes home and finds Jenna going through Jeremy’s stuff. She finds drug paraphernalia. Much to Jeremy’s dismay, Vicki is back with Ty. Elena comes to find Stefan at his mansion. The pedophile is going to get lucky tonight. She makes a speech. The pedophile is going to kiss the teenager.

Damon is stalking Caroline. Meanwhile, Damon feeds on Caroline.

* * * * *

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Author: range

I'm mathematician/IT strategist/blogger from Canada living in Taipei.

39 thoughts on “The Vampire Diaries S01E02 (CW)”

  1. I saw the episode and I think it was okay. Damon is hot but Stefan… hmmm I dont know. He looks so so to me. I wished they got another hot actor instead. Elena is indeed pretty and I like her.

  2. Hey Charles!
    I think that Elena looks like a 30-year old. She’s definitely not a teen. I don’t know why the producers thought that she could play a teenager.

  3. Hey Bobby,
    Ok yeah, that chick doesn’t really look that old, but I liked my exaggeration.

    The Vampire Diaries reviews and recaps published here on the Memoirs are a bit sarcastic, ie pedophile vamps etc.

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