I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true. This episode was definitely better than last week’s. MTV decided to pull the footage of that dude punching out Schnickers, even though they showed it in previews a bunch of times in the past.
The Situation is getting a bit pathetic. For all of his talk about pulling girls, he clearly doesn’t know what he’s doing. He always wants to get them in the hot tub then into bed. Usually, if people want to hook up, they’ll hook up. This gives the girls he brings back ample chance to reconsider and leave. This has happened every single time.
This week, I watched the show again via the MTV website.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
So Snooki got knocked out by some asshole at the end of the last episode over some drinks that were stolen.
I’m just laying there and yo, WTF just happened?
The cops get the dude and he’s in handcuffs. Snooks was bleeding all over the place. The guys are pissed. The girls are trying to make Snooki feel better. Vinny hops in and tells her that she’s got a little cut. While this is happening, Mike wants a girl to come with him. All of the boys think that The Situation is a situation.
Ronnie says that Mike was instigating this by buying them shot after shot. Snooks comes home to bed. She’s crying. Ronnie comes by and comforts her. Later, Ronnie complains to Sammi about The Situation. He saw it happen and didn’t do anything. Sammi tells him that Ronnie is a better friend than Mike.
The next morning, Ronnie’s family comes by. He’s still in bed. It’s 11AM. He wants Sammi to come along, but they are already pissed at them being late. They tell them what happened to Snooki. Ron’s mom starts talking shit. It’s kind of funny, generational Guidos. Vinny comes along.
Jenni and Snooki go out to drink early in the afternoon. Ronnie’s family leaves. Snooki learns that the dude who hit her was released on bail. Wow, I never realized that Pauly looked so effeminate. He does.
Jenni and Ronnie talk about The Situation. Jenni says that when Ronnie came to see Snooki last night, The Situation came as well.
The cast is going on some boat to a cove where all of the boats go to hang out. Jenni goes to see a fat dude with a big boat. They have trouble lifting her out of the water. That’s kind of funny. Vinny falls into the water. Pauly remarks that his water is water-proof and soccer-proof. While everyone is partying, Sammi makes Ronnie stay on their boat. At one point, Ronnie wants to leave and takes Snooki off a boat and throws her into the water. She wasn’t happy.
There is a numbers game when it comes to girls.
Pauly, Vinny and Mike go out with some girls. The others go to Bamboo.
Vinny likes to beat the beat up.
At Bamboo, Jenni and Ronnie’s fuse are short. One of the girls calls Snooki fat. Jenni threw her drink at her and then there was a catfight.
That’s why you don’t call JWOWW fat ‘cause you’ll get hit.
The girls from the house leave without any of the boys getting any action. Stephanie tells Mike that she knows about stuff. He comes back in and says that Pauly and The Situation are known for hooking up with all of the girls. They are both happy about this appraisal.
Jenni, Snooki, Sammi, and Ronnie are pretty happy.
You fucking taggled her like a monkey.
Snooki to Jenni
The next night, Pauly is DJing at Karma. Vinny says that everyone was impressed with Pauly. Vinny meets Tonya. He calls her a cougar because she’s a few years older. She’s also got a cool tattoo. She’s Danny’s daughter. Vinny thinks that he’s getting evicted.
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