I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, we see more of Vinny. In fact, he tries to hook up with The Situation’s sister. After realizing that “she looked like Mike but without the abs”, he was also rendered speechless. This dissipated after a night out though.
The Situation keeps getting himself into more situations. He once again tried to hook up with a girl named Alex. Once again, she showed up with some extra baggage. With Pauly unwilling to take one for The Situation’s team, The Situation enlists Snooki. This doesn’t go well when there is an all out catfight brawl at the house. The cops are called and lead away Alex in handcuffs.
The other part of the show centered around Sammi and Ronnie’s messed up relationship. It’s like they’re 14 years old. That’s how they behave. Ronnie’s Fred Flinstone toe comment was gold. It pushed Sammi into a whole new level of pissed.
This week, I watched the show again via the MTV website.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
I think what happened to Snickers brought us closer to Snookers.
Pauly D
Vinny found out that Tonya was Danny’s girl. He hooked up with her. Ok, so she’s not his daughter, just his girl.
Every day, the dudes go to the gym, tanning, and laundry. They call this GTL. The Situation and Pauly D are in it. Vinny doesn’t do this. Vinny doesn’t think this is fun. It’s probably one of the best facts of the guido lifestyle. Gym, tanning, and laundry. Pauly is in it with The Situation. They aren’t getting any action yet. Vinny wonders if he will get evicted by Danny. Danny messes with Vinny. Everyone at the shop is watching them.
The Situation’s sister calls. Vinny talks with her. He tells Mike.
I didn’t mind hooking the kid up with my sister.
The Situation
Vinny is all excited about meeting The Situation’s sister. Vinny says that she looks like The Situation without the abs. S
She looked like Mike with a wig on.
VinnyShe’s Mike without the six-pack
Ronnie
They go out. Everyone is dancing but Sammi and Ronnie are MIA. Pauly D thinks that they went home.
Melissa grew on Vinny as the night went on. Snickers sees her friend Mike there. Sammi is sick on the way home.
You stumpy bastard with your doorstop Flinstone big toe.
Ronnie
Ronnie pisses Sammi off with his comment. Apparently, this leads to him into getting a fight. Ah yeah!
Snooki’s dude leaves her alone to go home. The boys go to Karma. Meanwhile, Ronnie is fuming. Sammi is still pissed. They aren’t talking. Pauly, Melissa, Vinny and Snooki arrive. Snickers finds out that Sammi had an argument over her Fred Flinstone toes.
What was said tonight can’t be taken back.
Ronnie
Ronnie comes into her room. He tries to hug it out for some reason. He tries to talk to her, but she’s not really listening. She wants to be left alone. Ronnie says that this will be strike three.
She did something spiteful to me so I’ll do something spiteful to her.
Ronnie
The Situation meets up with Alex, a girl he tried to up a few weeks ago. He was cockblocked by her friend, the so-called grenade. Pauly tried to take one for the team, but he bolted because she was horrible.
I left her at the house and went to creep on some girls.
Ronnie
Melissa tells Sammi that Ronnie left for Karma. She’s pissed off. Pauly tells Ronnie that he will just go home and make up with Sammi. Ronnie comes home and does as he’s told.
Snickers tells Mike to get lost. He comes back to the house after creeping after girls. Alex comes to the house.
She rolls up with two bodyguards. One of them was the same grenade as last time.
The Situation
Pauly isn’t going to be The Situation’s wingman.
These hippos come into our house.
Snooki
The Situation enlists Snooki’s help to get rid of the hippos. This doesn’t go well. The grenade gets into Snooki’s face. It’s another catfight. The cops are called. Drinks are thrown. The cockblocking grenade is really pissed. Everyone tries to restrain them. Alex is also involved with the other hippo.
The Situation doesn’t seem to learn from his mistakes. Even chimps learn from mistakes. He tells Alex to come over and naturally, the cockblocking grenade arrives with a grenade launcher.
One girl just starts charging me like a fucking hippo.
Snooki
Alex gets arrested.
My face is fucked up again.
Snooki
Through the scuffle, Snooki gets hit in the face again, poor girl. She needs some karate lessons or self defense or something. Someone needs to teach her to fight or duck.
Pauly
Snooki beats The Situation with a blow-up hammer. He gets her on his bag. It’s
I will definitely say that I felt bad that Snickers got hit by some linebackers. I didn’t want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures whatsoever. These broads probably smelled the food at the house.
The Situation
The next morning, Vinny tries to clean up. Jenni is hung over. Vinny’s whole family came over.
I have a huge family. Even though it looks like a lot, only 10% came over.
Vinny
Vinny’s mom brought a bunch of food.
I’m definitely a mama’s boy. […] She lives to take care of me.
Vinny
That night, some dude talks smack to the HM.
We get into scraps everywhere we go.
Ronnie
Snoogie tells Sammi that everyone thinks that they aren’t living it up. Snoogums says that they need to have a family meeting about what is going on.
Pauly and The Situation go back to the house to find some girls. The Situation isn’t very successful with his phone tactics.
Ronnie and Sammi leave. The dude comes after him with his girlfriend. They follow the HM. The dude starts screaming at Sammi. Sammi keeps instigating a confrontation. Ronnie gets pissed at her. He pushes her away.
The dude comes after Ronnie. The dude’s girlfriend goes after Ronnie. They start fighting. Sammi calls the house. Pauly and The Situation come running. That was kind of awesome, how they came running instantly, aborting their creeping mission. The dude’s girlfriend is trying to pull Ronnie off her boyfriend. Ronnie doesn’t lay a hand on her, and tries to avoid her. He keeps backing up. Sammi tries to yank the dude away. Some big African-American dude intervenes and grabs the dude. Ronnie leaves. Ronnie is super-pissed at Sammi. He blames her. She called the dude some names which started the whole thing.
Pauly and Mike find him walking home. Vinny and Jenni arrive.
I’m kind of by myself in the Sleaze.
Sammi
Ronnie takes an ice-bag to ice down his face. Sammi comes home and starts to complain to Snookers. He comes to see Sammi after having cooled down a bit.
You just traumatized me. Just fucking stop.
Sammi
Ronnie apologizes. Sammi apologizes too.
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