I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, we see more of Vinny. In fact, he tries to hook up with The Situation’s sister. After realizing that “she looked like Mike but without the abs”, he was also rendered speechless. This dissipated after a night out though.
The Situation keeps getting himself into more situations. He once again tried to hook up with a girl named Alex. Once again, she showed up with some extra baggage. With Pauly unwilling to take one for The Situation’s team, The Situation enlists Snooki. This doesn’t go well when there is an all out catfight brawl at the house. The cops are called and lead away Alex in handcuffs.
The other part of the show centered around Sammi and Ronnie’s messed up relationship. It’s like they’re 14 years old. That’s how they behave. Ronnie’s Fred Flinstone toe comment was gold. It pushed Sammi into a whole new level of pissed.
This week, I watched the show again via the MTV website.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
The Situation comes to the room and gets hounded by Vinny for stealing his sloppy seconds. Jenni starts beating Mike. Mike provokes her again. She comes after him and the Jersey Shore security staff have to intervene.
I will toss her out like the trash.
The next morning, they all leave for the Jersey Shore. Jenni tells her boyfriend that she hit Mike a few times. Tommy tells her not to drink too much.
Mike tells the other HM that Vinny is talking too much smack. The Situation is complaining to Sammi. Mike is a bit of a pussy.
Vinny and Pauly D hook up with some girls they know. Pauly doesn’t like how sexually conservative Danielle is. She’s the Israeli chick. Strangely enough, while walking around the board, Pauly bumps into her. Snooki hooks up with Keith.
Danielle is kid of stalking Pauly. She’s creeping after him. She goes after him at the tattoo parlor. She goes after him when he’s at the rides.
Pauly D has definitely got a situation going on. She turned into a stage 5 clinger.
Pauly tries to send her packing. She’s stalking. The girls got nervous about Danielle and left. When they arrive at the house, Danielle is calling. Vinny has to pose as Mike. It’s kind of funny.
Pauly decides to ignore her.
Mike decides to put pickles underneath Schnicker’s bed at 2AM.
I figured that she would like the nice aroma of dirty pickles.
Mike decides to create a stink bomb for Vinny. He sneaks it under Vinny’s bed while he was sleeping.
A little hateroade. That hater juice is best served cold.
It kind of smells like old funk juice.
Later that day, Pauly gets a call from Danielle.
You stalked my whole life on a board. If you weren’t such a fucking stalker, I would have called you.
Pauly gives her the message and hangs up on her. She’s out of the picture. Mike tells Sammi about the hateorade. Sammi tells Vinny before they go bowling. Jenni tries to apologize to Mike. They are friends again.
Vinny throws Mike’s hateorade away. He plans on getting him back. Mike calls him a rat repeatedly. He doesn’t know that Vinny is just biding his time.
Vinny and Ronnie try to tell Mike that he’s an asshole. Mike gets offended and start shouting. It veers onto who hooked up with Sammi first. It gets ugly.
Everyone is going to Karma.
My boobs are so tight I can’t breathe. Is that normal?
Snicks it looks like you are going to a pajama party girl.
Snooki’s outfit is crazy. She looks like a birthday cake.
At Karma, Pauly spots Danielle creeping up on him again. Snooki’s ass is showing when she’s hanging onto a dude.
I felt like having sex, which I haven’t had yet.
Some girls come up to Schnickers and tell her that the dude has a girlfriend, who was watching the whole thing.
Pauly is still with his whole Danielle drama. He leaves with her early in the night. Schnookers is talking with Dimitrios. She settles for him.
Some girl runs her mouth at Schnookis. Ronnie tries to hold Sammi back. The dudes get into a fight. Security pushes the guy away. The kid gets away from security. He pops the dude one and he falls to the floor. Ronnie gets arrested.
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