I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, we see more of Vinny. In fact, he tries to hook up with The Situation’s sister. After realizing that “she looked like Mike but without the abs”, he was also rendered speechless. This dissipated after a night out though.
The Situation keeps getting himself into more situations. He once again tried to hook up with a girl named Alex. Once again, she showed up with some extra baggage. With Pauly unwilling to take one for The Situation’s team, The Situation enlists Snooki. This doesn’t go well when there is an all out catfight brawl at the house. The cops are called and lead away Alex in handcuffs.
The other part of the show centered around Sammi and Ronnie’s messed up relationship. It’s like they’re 14 years old. That’s how they behave. Ronnie’s Fred Flinstone toe comment was gold. It pushed Sammi into a whole new level of pissed.
This week, I watched the show again via the MTV website.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
Ronnie gets arrested. Sammi is freaking out. They come home and find Pauly chilling with his Israeli. Vinny tells the tale. Ronnie was arrested after he punched some douche. Schnookers calls the local PD. His bail will be set after 6:30AM.
I had to control the situation.
He bails himself out and has to show up for court. It’s close to 9AM and Ronnie calls, but everyone is sleeping it off. Sammi realizes it and gets up. He needs her to pick him up. She does so. He feels like crap.
The dude was faced down bro, I’m sure you slept better than he did.
Mike to Ronnie
Mike, Vinny, and Pauly are trying to hook up with some girls. Mike starts calling but doesn’t speak with anyone. It’s their last weekend at the Shore. Schnooki wants to ask Keith out.
Oh my God, the gorillas are coming out. It’s Labor Day Weekend!
I see a bunch of like gorilla juiceheads, tall, completely jacked, steroids, multiple growth hormone, that’s the type that I’m attracted to.
Jenni gets Schnookers to trawl the beach for juiceheads. They strike out.
They all decide to go to the beach together, something that they haven’t done because they were too busy sleeping off their drunken nights.
We’re at the beach, Mike creeps on the first girl that he sees of course. The girl is of teenage area.
Everyone is on Mike’s case for being a creepy pedophile. Snooki goes back to call Keith. He’s just finishing work. Schnickers doesn’t understand that he’s busy with someone else who’s not a midget. After getting flat out rejected by Keith, she goes back to the beach. Schnookers spots her ex-boyfriend. He doesn’t want to come down nor does he want to visit her.
Vinny, Mike, and Pauly have a boy’s night out. Sammi and Ronnie go out. Sammi tells him that she wants to move forward with him after the summer. Meanwhile, Schnicks is crying. The boys are trying to cheer her up.
Pauly doesn’t have a date. I don’t feel sorry for him because he’s ridiculously, ridiculously good looking.
You want me to beat him up? You know I’ll do it.
Vinny puts up a puppet that’s supposed to look like Mike’s conquests. Mike laughs it off. Mike and Snooki get into the hot tub and hook up.
If you’re hungry, try a Snickers.
No, that’s not cool, that’s not cool, that’s not cool! Oh fuck, that’s not cool, that’s not cool, that’s not cool! Last person I want to see is my fucking ex. That’s not cool.
I would give her dick and bubble gum. I would send her a picture of my dick and a pack of bubble gum and say, ‘Chew on this!’
The next day, they have their last dinner BBQ. Everyone leaves. It’s boring.
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