I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, we see more of Vinny. In fact, he tries to hook up with The Situation’s sister. After realizing that “she looked like Mike but without the abs”, he was also rendered speechless. This dissipated after a night out though.
The Situation keeps getting himself into more situations. He once again tried to hook up with a girl named Alex. Once again, she showed up with some extra baggage. With Pauly unwilling to take one for The Situation’s team, The Situation enlists Snooki. This doesn’t go well when there is an all out catfight brawl at the house. The cops are called and lead away Alex in handcuffs.
The other part of the show centered around Sammi and Ronnie’s messed up relationship. It’s like they’re 14 years old. That’s how they behave. Ronnie’s Fred Flinstone toe comment was gold. It pushed Sammi into a whole new level of pissed.
This week, I watched the show again via the MTV website.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
When I tell them to go home, one of these girls starts to charge him like a fucking hippo.
No man has ever touched me like that!
Sammi starts talking to The Situation and Pauly D about them having a problem with her hanging around with Ronnie. They have an impromptu family meeting. Snickers gets into trouble. Sammi and Ronnie are pissed off.
Jenni and Schnook are acting shady.
That night, Pauly is spinning and Vinny is out with Tonya again. Snickers meets some dude. The Situation hooks up with Paula, a girl that he met from the week before. Vinny and Tonya are in a hammock watching Paula and Mike hooking up in the hot tube. Schnookers arrives and ruins the mood. Schnickers hooks up with Keith.
Because it was a situation in the Jacuzzi, that’s what happens at the Jersey Shore.
Paula’s friend comes knocking the next morning. It takes the HM a while before answering the door. Lauren is pissed at her. Apparently Paula missed her first day of work. Her family has been calling Lauren the whole morning. Paula leaves without taking her clothes in Mike’s clothes.
Mike and Vinny have a few words about who’s got more game. That night, they go out. Vinny is hanging with The Situation’s sister. Sammi is looking for Ron. Mike points her in the right direction. Sammi sees Ronnie talking to some girl and she gets pissed. She decides to watch him. She confronts him.
Pauly meets a hot Israeli girl. Tonya sees Vinny with Melissa. He leaves her to hang out with Tonya. The Situation isn’t happy with this situation. He talks a bit with him to set him straight.
Pauly’s girl doesn’t want to hook up. She wants to take him to the Holy Land. Ronnie confronts The Situation about shit-stirring.
The Situation is alone in his bed again while his sister is hooking up with Vinny.
-I like my clothes like my women… Options.
-You like girls like your underwear… Dirty.
The Situation and Pauly
They all leave for Atlantic City. Within the hour of arriving, everyone is asleep except Schnookers. She takes a bubble bath. Mike changes his shirt 3 times before going out. During dinner, Ronnie starts talking shit. The Situation starts up on Vinny as well. Mike calls Ronnie a unibrow. Ronnie calls The Situation calls Mike Popeye, big arms and no dick. The Situation gets into Snicks’ face.
-Can I have a roll please?
-Don’t worry, you’ve already got a couple.
Snicks and Mike.
[he’s] one of the biggest douchebags I ever met.
Jenni about Mike
It’s true though, Snookers is showing off some rolls in her dress. After a while, Snookers is crying in her room. Mike apologizes later on. She still thinks that he is a scumbag. At the club, Snooks falls off the sofa. Some dude starts dancing with her.
What happens in AC stays in AC.
Vinny hooks up with some chick. Mike decides to steal her.
The Situation just pulled a robbery on Vinny.
She ditched the zero and went with the hero tonight.
At around 4AM, Ronnie and Sammi leave. Jenni is sick in the bathroom. She wants him to take him back to the room. She threatens to fight Mike’s girl. She gets kicked out of the club for smacking Mike around a bit. Jenni comes back and says that she’ll punch Mike in the face when he comes back. Vinny takes Schnookers home and makes sure that she doesn’t do anything stupid.
Vinny comes back and tells everyone that Mike took his sloppy seconds. Jenni walks up and starts smacking Mike. Vinny holds her back but before she leaves, she gets Mike in the face real good.
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