Fresh on the heels of the boring Twilight craze, and the well-deserved True Blood phase, CW is offering up its latest in teen dramas. Apparently, this show drew 5 million viewers its first night. That’s probably due to Twilight-hype. I can’t stand Twilight. It sucks ass. I couldn’t read the books, but read a review from Dan Bergstein on those Stephanie Meyer books. It was very entertaining. The movie kind of sucked as well.
This is the situation, as I’ve divined it using my psychic powers. The Fox network saw that Twilight was really working well. Wow, maybe vamps are cool again, said one exec. Another said, maybe not, remember Forever Knight. Then, everyone went bonkers for True Blood. The same exec said it confirmed his theory that vamps are back in, notably teen vamps, not crazy sex-addicted vamps. One exec mentioned Teen Wolf, the other slapped him on the back of the head.
So, we need to find a teen vampire series. Wait, my daughter used to read some vampire thingie called The Vampire Diaries in the 90s. Let’s pressure L. J. Smith to write some sequels as an added incentive. That will make it cool!
Warning: spoilers ahead
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Logan is back and both Damon and Stefan are after him. They aren’t the only ones, as the new boy in town, Alaric, is also a hunter. Other vampires are coming soon in order to break the vampires that were sealed in by Emily underneath the church. Now that Damon discovered this, he won’t be leaving Mystic Falls anytime soon. Elena gets into a bad accident and she meets one of the new vamps.
The show is getting less ridiculous, but I can’t really handle the romantic bits between Elena and Stefan. It’s still 100% pedophilia, as he’s almost 150 years older than she is.
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Stefan comes back to school in his fancy old school Porsche. He tells her that his cravings are under control. He’s lying. His trunk is filled with blood bags.
Bonnie is back at school. She’s been talking with Caroline everyday but ignoring Elena.
Anna comes to see Damon. She apologizes and says that it’s only her and Pearl. Pearl kicked the others out. Stefan lies to Damon as well, or he tries to. Damon finds him drinking blood. Stefan says that he’s fine and he wants Damon to back off.
John wants Damon to help him retrieve an invention that his ancestor created. It was supposed to be lost in the tomb. Since Damon released the vampires, the invention must retrievable. John needs to find Pearl. John tries to blackmail him, but Damon is tired. He says that if he persists, he’ll kill all of the council and sever his hand to retrieve the ring.
Bonnie blames Damon and Stefan for her grandma’s death.
John finds out that Jeremy was reading one of his ancestor’s diaries. It’s only one of many. The ancestor journaled his whole life.
Damon tells Stefan that he is drinking blood. Damon says that Stefan is being controlled by the thirst. Stefan surprises them together. Elena talks about the blood drinking. Stefan storms off and takes Amber with him. He takes her away and drinks her blood.
Anna and Jeremy talk. The make amends. John sees them talking. He knows that she’s a vampire. Damon covers for Stefan and escorts Elena to the Founder’s beauty pageant, or some crap like that. Caroline wins.
The Sheriff and John discover some blood in the bathroom. They call in Damon. Damon, Elena and Bonnie go after Stefan. His bloodlust knows no bounds. He’s about to kill Amber when they arrive. Damon can’t stop him, but Bonnie does. With Amber’s memory wiped, the call in the cavalry. The Sheriff says that Amber is fine. Bonnie doesn’t want anything to do with Elena anymore.
John discovers that Anna’s mom is Pearl, the vampire that he is looking for. She is the one who wanted to buy the Gilbert building.
Pearl and Anna arrive at Damon’s place. Pearl gives him John’s invention. It’s a sort of vampire detector. Pearl apologizes to Damon.
Elena comes to see Stefan and stakes him with something. They put him in the cell. Elena wants to detox Stefan from blood. Whatever. They are vampires. The drink blood and Elena doesn’t want her vampire pedophile to drink any human blood.
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- Dan Bergstein blogs while reading Twilight
- True Blood S02E01
- The Vampire Diaries S01E01
- The Vampire Diaries S01E02
- The Vampire Diaries S01E03
- The Vampire Diaries S01E04
- The Vampire Diaries S01E05
- The Vampire Diaries S01E06
- The Vampire Diaries S01E07
- The Vampire Diaries S01E08
- The Vampire Diaries S01E09
- The Vampire Diaries S01E10
- The Vampire Diaries S01E11
- The Vampire Diaries S01E12
- The Vampire Diaries S01E13
- The Vampire Diaries S01E14
- The Vampire Diaries S01E15
- The Vampire Diaries S01E16
- The Vampire Diaries S01E17
- The Vampire Diaries S01E18