I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.
The boys are eating up all the drama that the girls are creating. Basically, it’s because Angelina talked shit about Jenni, Sammi, and Schnookums in Jersey, so they are very annoyed that she’s here. Naturally, Angelina denies this. Once again, Jenni gets extremely aggressive. I wonder when she’s start hitting Angelina. Angelina better be careful, because Jenni is a strong girl, as The Situation learned last week.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
When Ronnie comes home, he says that he is going to hook up with Sammi tonight. He boasts this to the other male HM. The Situation has got a problem with his. Ronnie is hooking up with Sammi. The boys think that Ronnie is out of control.
The whole Ronnie and Sammi situation… [whistles] Bad situation.
I don’t know what to say, I’m actually speechless.
The next morning, Ronnie wakes up. He doesn’t remember how he ended up in Sammi’s bed.
I had a Shnook night. I had a Schnooki night. The next day, when Schnooki woke up and she was like what happened, that’s how I was this morning.
Pauly D is telling his friend Big Mike what happened last night. He says that Ronnie has got a new nickname. It’s the I.F.F., the I’m F*cked Foundation.
Sammi wakes up. Ron doesn’t remember what happened. Sammi is a bit confused about the situation.
The boys tells Sammi that Ronnie was out of control last night. They tell her that he was out of control drunk. Now Sammi is aggravated. The boys leave.
The Situation tells Ron that Sammi was eavesdropping on them earlier. Ronnie says that he will tell that her that he danced with some girls and deny that he made out with a bunch of girls.
The girls go shopping at a tranny shop. They splurge. Jenni buys a top.
I feel like one wrong move and your boobs will pop out.
Schnookums to Jenni
Ronnie has to keep Angelina quiet. She’s got blackmail material on him. Angelina tells him that he should be single. Ronnie say that he likes and loves Sammi, but he can’t be with her.
As soon as Schnookers comes home, she throws down the marinating meat that the boys were preparing.
Snooki doesn’t want to clean it up but Mike makes her.
Sammi goes through Ronnie’s phonebook. She finds Ronnie’s ex-girlfriend’s name. She goes psycho on Sammi.
Ronnie talks with Jenni. Jenni takes a shower. The HM can see through the door. They tell her that they can see her tits and ass.
Angelina is on the phone all day.
The girls hate Angelina. Schnookie learns that Angelina talked some shit about her boyfriend. Snooki takes it up with Angelina. This happened in Long Island some time ago. Whatever.
The boys just watch. Ron say that this is awesome.
Jenni comes out.
You want to get ass beat, you’re gonna get your ass beat, you can stay, get your ass beat, you can stay, get your ass beat, you can stay and get your f*cking ass beat, you can stay and get your f*cking ass beat.
The Situation is worried about what will happen. Jenni is pulling combos in the gym. He got a taste of it last year and Angelina hasn’t got a chance against Jenni.
Pauly D says that Ronnie made out with some grenades. They talk with Jenni. Schnookers and Angelina hear this as well.
“I’m doing man work” he said. You’re ripping a grenade for America.
The Situation about Ronnie
-Mike’s an f*cking instigator.
-Seriously, they should call him The Instigation.
Angelina and Vinny
The next day, Sammi apologizes to Ronnie. Ronnie has a heart to hear with Sammi. He says that he loves her so much that it’s hard. All of the people in She starts to cry. He said that only his ex told him to give Sammi a chance.
We’re promoting a grenade-free America!
I love you so much it’s sickening.
The crew is going to work at the gelato shop.
My boss seems to think that my hair is gonna fall off into the ice cream. This hair ain’t moving my dude. 150mph on the highway on a streetbike, it doesn’t move. What makes you think that it will move in a gelato shop?
Ronnie decides to get a tattoo. He wants to feel some pain. Sammi goes with him because he asked her to. She says that she’ll always be here for him. It took 4 hours.
The Situation, Vinny, and Pauly D go out for sushis with Angelina.
I’ll take a shower real quick. [Pauly takes off his shirt and start spraying some deo spray all over himself.] Shower done!
And I got the shirt. But I aint wearing the shirt when we go out. This is the shirt before the shirt. We even got Vinny on the shirt before the shirt.
-We have an abundance of wifebeaters, they’re white or black tank tops that we wear before we go out.
-It’s t-shirt time Pauly.
-We sit on the couch with our tank tops till it’s t-shirt time.
-Right before we go out, we take off the tank and put our fresh shirt on.
The Situation, Pauly D about the t-shirt situation
I look up and I see Angelina dancing with girls. I mean, I think that a lot of girls like both nowadays so it’s not really surprising, but it’s interesting.
Angelina gets really drunk. She sees Pauly hooking up with a girl. She tells Pauly that the girl is married or something. She tells Pauly that she loves him. Pauly gets away.
Me and Pauly, we’re having a good time. And Angelina, starts to give Paula shit. I can just see it coming. That’s how she is. A little bit of alcohol, and throughout the night, it gets worse and worse and worse until voilà, Mrs. Cock Blocker comes out and that’s who she truly is.
Angelina comes home and starts to mess with Pauly. Pauly is getting aggravated. Angelina tells Pauly that she wants to marry him. Pauly tells her to stay out of his business. She slaps him. Mike is trying to get her away. Pauly isn’t saying anything. Mike says that they are the only ones being cool with him. Angelina tells Pauly that he’s pissing her off.
Pauly tells her that she doesn’t have them anymore. She’s not going to chill with them anymore. That was a good episode. I liked it.
* * * * *
- How Bad Was The Jersey Shore? Bad!
Jersey Shore S01E01-02 (MTV)
- Jersey Shore S01E03 Good Riddance
- Jersey Shore S01E04 Fade to Black
- Jersey Shore S01E05 Just Another Day At The Shore
- Jersey Shore S01E06 Boardwalk Blowouts
- Jersey Shore S01E07 What Happens In AC
- Jersey Shore S01E08 One Shot
- Jersey Shore S01E09
- Jersey Shore S02E01