I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.
The boys are eating up all the drama that the girls are creating. Basically, it’s because Angelina talked shit about Jenni, Sammi, and Schnookums in Jersey, so they are very annoyed that she’s here. Naturally, Angelina denies this. Once again, Jenni gets extremely aggressive. I wonder when she’s start hitting Angelina. Angelina better be careful, because Jenni is a strong girl, as The Situation learned last week.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
Angelina keeps following Pauly around. It wakes Jenny up. Angelina slapped Pauly 3 times. Then, Angelina starts lying about it. It gets pretty loud. Pauly thinks that Angelina is mental.
At the end of the day, that kid is my brother. And if he can’t hit you, I can and you’re lucky that you’re this drink. Wait till tomorrow.
This black t-shirt suffocates my girls. C’mon, let the girls breathe!
Jenni about her boobs
Vinny is doing well at the gelato shop. The first shift has started with Jenni, Ronnie, and Vinny. Angelina doesn’t remember what happened. Mike tells Angelina that she was talking shit to Pauly. Pauly accepts her apologies but they will go their separate ways.
Vinny and Ronnie get a haircut in the hood.
Sammi and Ronnie are trying to make whatever they have work. Mike goes to see Angelina. He’s starting to feel bad for her. He talks with the other HM. Mike says that Ange needs to hang out with the girls, because she can’t hang out with the boys. She doesn’t go to the gym, get her haircut, etc.
Pauly about Schnooks and Vinny
Jenni you forgot your shirt!
Jenni tits are defying gravity. Albert Einstein should come back and rewrite his laws of physics and work it around Jenni’s tits.
Snooks talks with Ange in the club. Mike invited Ange out. Ange admits to Snooks that she talked shit about her. Snooks says that she is feeling her pain. She was like Ange last summer. She does the same to Jenni. She accepts her apology.
Ronnie gets face wasted. He called her a f*cking bitch. Sammi leaves. Jenni and Ange bring her home.
Meanwhile, Ronnie is getting busy at the club. Snooks sees Ronnie hooking up with a girl. He asks Pauly and Mike
Ronnie and Sam, they get into one little fight so Ronnie thinks that by getting into a fight, he’s allowed to creep.
I would not rat out Ronnie, but when the girls have their girl time and they’re like mad at the boys, and whatever that is, that will come out. The truth will come out. It’s only a matter of time, it will blow up in his face. He’s f*cked. He’s IFF.
Snooki tries to talk with Ron repeatedly, but he went down. Ron ends up pushing Snooki around. Pauly and Mike step in and take Ronnie home. When Ron comes back, he keeps going on about the Cuban chick.
This is the second night that Ronnie has hooked up with a girl, and comes home to sleep with Sam. I don’t know how Sammi doesn’t know, but I think she’s got an idea. It goes back to the day when you thought the tooth fairy was alive.
Snooki finds Vinny passed out on the bean bag chair. She passes out on the phone while talking with Emilio, her boyfriend. She drops the table over. Snooki crawls into bed with him.
Snooki and Vinny
Did I bang Snooki last night, did I do the unthinkable?
The next morning, Sammi, Mike, and Ronnie are working at the shop.
It’s MVP night, Mike, Vinny, Pauly.
It just so happens that our initials are MVP, and we are the most valuable players in MIA, supporting the GFF.
The boys tell Ange that she can’t come. She doesn’t back down. She doesn’t understand. They devise a plan to ditch her. As soon as she has her head turned, the boys will run out and ditch her. They were successful.
The only problem is that there is grenades all over the place.
-God, there’s land mines everywhere.
-My side’s the same.
-I’ve never seen this club this bad.
Mike, Paul, Vinny
Mike and Pauly would take home a stray dog, if there were no girls left
At one particular point, I remember I was in the Jacuzzi and I finally put water over my face, and we got grenades. And I’m looking at Pauly, do you know that we’re in the midst of grenades, do you know we’re at the zoo? He was like hypnotized, one of the hyenas had hypnotized him.
It was like some sort of rubbery, I don’t know what the f*ck it was.
A girl’s fake boob fell out. The boys play with it and kick the grenades out of the house.
I never seen that before. It looked like a chicken cutlet.
I think we need a refresher course in GFF.
I can’t see customers because I’m a f*cking Smurf.
Snooki, Snooki, Snooki, you are not spooning correctly
Mike imitating the boss
Ronnie decides to go out with the boys again. Snooki was all excited that he wanted to stay in, but decides to do otherwise. Ronnie goes creeping again.
Jenni and Snooki go out to eat. Jenni thinks that Ronnie is a dirtbag.
* * * * *
- How Bad Was The Jersey Shore? Bad!
Jersey Shore S01E01-02 (MTV)
- Jersey Shore S01E03 Good Riddance
- Jersey Shore S01E04 Fade to Black
- Jersey Shore S01E05 Just Another Day At The Shore
- Jersey Shore S01E06 Boardwalk Blowouts
- Jersey Shore S01E07 What Happens In AC
- Jersey Shore S01E08 One Shot
- Jersey Shore S01E09
- Jersey Shore S02E01
- Jersey Shore S02E02