I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.
The boys are eating up all the drama that the girls are creating. Basically, it’s because Angelina talked shit about Jenni, Sammi, and Schnookums in Jersey, so they are very annoyed that she’s here. Naturally, Angelina denies this. Once again, Jenni gets extremely aggressive. I wonder when she’s start hitting Angelina. Angelina better be careful, because Jenni is a strong girl, as The Situation learned last week.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
Snooks is totally drunk and hooked up with Vinny. She tells the girls that Vinny’s penis is very big.
The next day, the girls go to the beach. Ange talks with Jenni and Snooki. She says that Ron-Ron suspects that both Jenni and Snooks wrote the note. Jenni is annoyed at how low Sammi’s self-esteem is.
Sammi doesn’t know what to do. Mike tells her that Ron messed up. He’s hooking up right, left, and center. Mike is the only one who tells Sammi the truth. It was good of him, because none of the other HM had the guts to tell her the truth.
Snooki wants to tell Sammi that they wrote the note. Snooki tries to involve Ange. Mike walks around and reports to Sam. Ange is sent to fetch Sammi.
Jenni gets really aggressive with Sammi. They both tell each other to f*ck off. Jenni tells her that she looks like a fool while Ron-Ron goes around putting his dick in other women. The HM start a shouting match. It’s great. There is a lot of swearing. Snooki doesn’t say a word.
Sammi tells Snooki and Jenni that she’s all messed up. The words are failing for little Sammi. She needs to go to school and read a bit more so that she can talk properly. She tells Ron she doesn’t want to spend any time with him. He’s “shady”.
Vinny has got a problem with an eye. The HM bug him about getting pinkeye in Jersey.
The HM go out. Mike brings back a girl, but isn’t horny. He starts eating. Ange also brings back José. She sends him packing without anything.
After hooking up, Mike tries to get rid of his girl. He lets her know that he’s got a taxi waiting for her.
The next day, the girls have to cook. Snooks calls an ex who’s a chef. Snooki and Jenni go grocery shopping. They are hopeless. Snooks loses the recipe.
The boys don’t think that the girls will be able to cook today.
She thinks that her shit don’t stink. So I paid her no attention.
Jenni and Snooki arrive at the house. Neither Sammi nor Ange help getting the groceries. Jenni sends Ange
I can tell Sam’s not going to do anything, prissy little bitch that she is.
Jenni is cooking all alone. Snooks is helping out a bit. The boys like Jenni’s cooking. Sammi didn’t eat anything, except the salad that she made.
The next day, Sammi tells Ange that she wants to go home to Jersey. Ange tells Sammi that both Jenni and Snooki wrote the note.
Mike’s sister is coming by.
-Wanna see my new bling?
-You thought we kept our carat in the fridge.
-I really like it. I just hope it’s not real.
-It’s like your tits. It looks sick, but it’s fake.
-Hey, they’re paid for in full.
-Are you nervous?
Vinny, Pauly, and Jenni
-Do you know if it’s t-shirt time yet?
-It’s hard to be this fresh.
The HM before going out
Melissa arrives. Vinny is all nervous. Mike meets a hot blonde. All of the HM immediately suspect that she’s a tranny.
The Situation got himself in a situation with a tranny.
If you have to think about it, it’s usually a dude.
-Let’s go to the bathroom. I want to dance.
-You want to go to the bathroom to dance.
Snooks and Jenni
Pauly is drunk. Ange hooks up with him. He’s totally messed up.
Pauly is like f*cked up. Right now, Pauly would hook up with me, he’s so drunk.
Ange tries to stir shit up. Vinny calls her out on it. He tells Jenni. Maybe, that wasn’t the best idea. Sammi starts shouting at Jenni. That’s also not the best idea. Jenni pushes Sammi and they start a cat fight. Jenni called Sammi Jersey trash. Jenni is in Sammi’s face. She says that she was the only HM who told her what her man was up to.
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- How Bad Was The Jersey Shore? Bad!
Jersey Shore S01E01-02 (MTV)
- Jersey Shore S01E03 Good Riddance
- Jersey Shore S01E04 Fade to Black
- Jersey Shore S01E05 Just Another Day At The Shore
- Jersey Shore S01E06 Boardwalk Blowouts
- Jersey Shore S01E07 What Happens In AC
- Jersey Shore S01E08 One Shot
- Jersey Shore S01E09
- Jersey Shore S02E01
- Jersey Shore S02E02
- Jersey Shore S02E03
- Jersey Shore S02E04
- Jersey Shore S02E05