I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.
The boys are eating up all the drama that the girls are creating. Basically, it’s because Angelina talked shit about Jenni, Sammi, and Schnookums in Jersey, so they are very annoyed that she’s here. Naturally, Angelina denies this. Once again, Jenni gets extremely aggressive. I wonder when she’s start hitting Angelina. Angelina better be careful, because Jenni is a strong girl, as The Situation learned last week.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
Did Jenni get bigger tits? She’s not happy with them. They need to be more smooshed together.
We’re having fun. We’re getting in girls. I’m hooking up with this girl, your girl’s girl, and your girlfriend’s girlfriend’s girlfriend. Somebody has got to do it.
Snooki calls Emilio. She’s giving him another chance. Emilio tells her that he doesn’t care when she tells him that she went out with some gay guys for gay pride week. Snooki hangs up. She’s done with him, but for how long. Jenni claps. She’s proud of him.
Two girls come back with Mike, Pauly, and Vinny. Mike had two extra girls come back in case nothing happened. Kristen brought a hippopotamus with her. Mike plans on bringing the two girls to the other side of the house.
They are both in that room and then two in this room. This is a situation and one of them is a grenade.
Mike offers to extract the grenade and let the grenade explode in Ronnie’s room.
I put the hippopotamus to put and take Kristie or Kristen to the smash room. Do you want me to tell you what happened next?
All 3 guys hooked up with a girl. The next morning, the girls leave. It was a good night for the boys.
Mike is trying to get organized. The boys leave for GTL. They want Ange to clean up. Snooks tells her she needs to clean up. Ange spends all day on the phone.
Vinny, Mike, and Pauly come back with some groceries. The house is still dirty. Mike says that Ange is excluded. Mike and Ange get into a shouting match. She’s extremely lazy.
Jenni takes Snooks out. She’s upset about Emilio.
It’s funny how the boys do all of the cooking. The boys talk about Ange. Meanwhile, she’s seething on the couch. Mike tries to apologize. Ange doesn’t let him. He manages to do so. That was good of him.
The Situation was a man in that situation.
You alright Snooks? I got some special desert for you girl, my vanilla ice cream. Uh, your favourite.
The girls clean up. Snooks burns some pictures. The HM are being supportive.
Jenni and Snooks think that it’s a terrible idea, but they will give Sammi the note. Neither Snooks nor Jenni slept a wink. They are heading out to the gelato shop. It’s raining. While they are gone, Sammi finds the note. She asks Vinny if this is true. He says that he didn’t see anything. She asks Pauly. Pauly denies it as well. Sammi says that she isn’t stupid. She knew that the boys would snitch, but she wanted to make sure.
Vinny tells Ron that someone gave a note to Sam about what he did at the club. He goes to see Sam. Sam shows it to him. Ronnie thinks that it’s either Snooks or Jen. Then, he decides that Snooks isn’t smart enough to type up a letter like that, so it must be someone else. Ronnie tells Sammi says that he was dancing with girls, drinking shots from a waitress’ breasts and a got a number from a girl. Sammi is crying. Sammi says that he admitted to some things in the note, this means that all of it is true.
I think that I can talk my way out of the hole I dug for myself. How big is a grave? Six feet? Probably 2 feet down.
Ron starts getting angry. He lashes out at some of the HM. Pauly and Vinny tell Ange. Ange will deny that she knew about it. Jenni and Snooks don’t want to go back to the house.
Ron lies that he didn’t make out with any girls. He made out with about a dozen girls. At this point, Sammi believes the note. Ron says that he took a girl’s number. That’s it. She’s lying through his teeth. Sammi says that they are done.
Gym, tan, and find out about the note? GTF?
Vinny and Pauly
Ron doesn’t think that Ange is involved because she was in bed. Jenni and Snooks call the house. Sam answers the phone. Sam asks her about the note. Jenni says no, but she lies. She says that night, she was with Sam. They deny everything. Jenni passes the phone to Snooks. Mike finds it funny. They go home. The girls are worried.
Mike was making a joke about it. Mike says that if it’s on paper, it’s true.
I feel like I did my job as a girlfriend. She can’t be a woman enough to walk away from a guy who dogs her like that? Then so be it. If they got back together, she looks like the dumbest bitch.
Ron is mad at Jenni and Snooks. He says that Snooks and Jenni are dead to him. He ignores them.
Ron hounds Sam to tell him what she wants. She doesn’t want anything to do with him. Ron decides to call up some girls. He finds some numbers. Ron phones his hometown honey. Sam gets up and goes after Ron. She wants to know who he is calling. Sammi thinks that he’s a liar.
Sammi tells Ron that things are done between them. They aren’t meant to be together.
* * * * *
- How Bad Was The Jersey Shore? Bad!
Jersey Shore S01E01-02 (MTV)
- Jersey Shore S01E03 Good Riddance
- Jersey Shore S01E04 Fade to Black
- Jersey Shore S01E05 Just Another Day At The Shore
- Jersey Shore S01E06 Boardwalk Blowouts
- Jersey Shore S01E07 What Happens In AC
- Jersey Shore S01E08 One Shot
- Jersey Shore S01E09
- Jersey Shore S02E01
- Jersey Shore S02E02
- Jersey Shore S02E03
- Jersey Shore S02E04