I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.
The boys are eating up all the drama that the girls are creating. Basically, it’s because Angelina talked shit about Jenni, Sammi, and Schnookums in Jersey, so they are very annoyed that she’s here. Naturally, Angelina denies this. Once again, Jenni gets extremely aggressive. I wonder when she’s start hitting Angelina. Angelina better be careful, because Jenni is a strong girl, as The Situation learned last week.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
Vinny’s mom calls the house. So they will come around. Vinny and Ange hooked up. The news is all over the house. Snooki thinks that Ange is a whore for screwing with Vinny, and not hooking up with her man José. Mike thinks that Ange is a hypocrite. She hates Vinny and she hooked up with him. Vinny’s mom will come to visit the house.
Angelina has proven the ho equation.
-You were going to buy the kid a birthday gift. Happy birthday, I banged my f*cking roommate.
-Nice f*cking birthday present Angelina!
-Remind me not to get you something!
Mike and Pauly to Angelina
Pauly doesn’t like working at the gelato shop, but he enjoys flirting with the girls. He’s got a jar filled with numbers.
I don’t really like working at the gelato shop, but I kill it.
-All these calories, I’m gonna have to go to the gym.
-We can do cardio at my place.
-Are you trying to hit on me? ‘Cause it’s working.
We got tons of numbers in the gelato shop. I got a little jar and I just put the numbers in there. It’s like a tip jar.
Pauly, some girls, and some more Pauly
Vinny’s family arrives.
Snooks is pissed that Ange hooked up with Vinny. Jenni and Snooki go out for drinks.
Obviously that was her intention. I don’t give a f*ck. You had my sloppy seconds, good for you. And obviously you’re a loosy goose because he got it in.
They both want to tell José about Angelina and Vinny.
Mike says that Vinny is lucky to have a mother like that. Vinny’s mom arrives with lots of food. The day after Angelina slept with Vinny, José is hanging around Angelina.
Angelina is like the female version of the Ronnie. Vinny’s mom gets busy in the kitchen. Sammi and Ange are drafted to help. Vinny’s Uncle Nino is very hard to understand. He calls Mike the sanitation. They start off with pasta. Then, Vinny’s mom prepares the next course. Wow, I want to eat like that. It looks really good.
Jenni goes into the hot tub with Nino. Snooki and Ange are also in. Ange and Snooki get into it over a beach ball that bounced in her face. Vinny’s family leaves.
The HM get ready to go out. Ange tells José that she can’t go out with him because she suspects that Mike will tell on her.
Angelina meets Alex. Pauly, Vinny, and Mike hook up with some girls. Mike teaches Vinny a lesson and takes back a girl that he was fooling around.
Ange, Mike, and Pauly bring back company. Mike and Pauly try and get some action. Mike was too aggressive and it blew up in his face.
Angelina doesn’t deserve José because he’s a nice kid and she’s a whore. He should have found me first, because I wouldn’t have screwed him over like that.
The Situation, his style, is like super-obnoxiously aggressive. Sometimes that works out, sometimes it doesn’t. In this case, I used that to my advantage. I used the sweet, smooth, cool, nice guy stuff with my girl.
Mike’s girl leaves because she has a boyfriend. Pauly was going to get some action.
I feel bad I got a boyfriend. What? You should have felt bad at the club when I was grabbing your ass.
-You didn’t give me the head’s up that she had a boyfriend.
-They both do.
The Situation being so aggressive, it blew up in our faces. We both didn’t benefit from it.
-Have fun playing with yourselves. I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.
Mike, Pauly, and some random girls
With all their talk of sex, they rarely have sex. Pauly wants to call up some girls. The only problem is that it’s 6AM. They call up a lot of girls.
Normally, if a girl comes over at 3:30, she’s DTF. I don’t know what happens if a girl comes over at 6:30 in the morning, but I’ll give it a shot.
A chick arrives at around 7AM. She says that all of her friends are grenades. The girl looks nice and has got some nice boobs. Mike is being obnoxious. He eats his egg sandwich while Pauly screws.
Ange asks Mike not to tell José anything.
Angelina is a pimp. She was literally all over Vinny’s dick the other night. And now she’s all over José. She got game. Can’t hate on that.
Angelina is like the Staten Island Ferry. Everybody gets to rod and it’s free.
The HM are out and Mike hangs around José. He wants to tell him that his girl has been getting busy with Vinny. Mike forces the issue. Ange has to tell him that she hooked up with Vinny.
I’m not a slut. I don’t f*ck guys that easy.
Ange to José
José and Ange go to another place to talk. She lies to him, blatantly. José obviously thinks that she’s his girl. Ange is just interested in hooking up.
Vinny sees an extremely hot girl and wants to go out with her. Her name is Ramona or Mona.
Chick I meet, this beautiful Cuban girl. Down to earth, she’s like a real cool girl. She’s not a girl you take home and smush one night, she’s a wifey type, a girl you bring home to your mother.
Vinny and Pauly decide to go on a date.
Pauly has this chick that he met that is pretty special to him, I met this girl Ramona. We want to go on this date with these girls. Which is weird, because we never really take girls out on dates but, you meet the right girl, that deserves to be wined and dined, you know, wifed up.
Vinny calls Ramona to ask her out. Pauly calls his girl to ask her out. Pauly is pretty cute on the phone. They make reservations before and get a haircut. They get some new clothes. They are making a lot of effort. They get some flowers. They are taking this really seriously.
If someone hands you a Bentley, you’re going to keep driving it. That’s how I feel about Ramona.
Ramona calls Vinny to cancel. After all of that, it was shitty. Then again, the boys deserve to get treated like dogs.
After hanging up on Ramona, Vinny calls her back and manages to get her to go out.
-She said that she is going to be here.
-What, you fanagled it?
-I fanagled it!
-You got skills kid!
-But wait, I’m not getting excited.
-Woa, you got skills.
Vinny and Pauly
Both of the boys are nervous. Vinny’s girl doesn’t show up. It’s 10:20PM. Pauly is out on a date. Ramona doesn’t even pick up. He’s been ditched.
Vinny is sad and upset. It makes Sammi feel bad.
* * * * *
- How Bad Was The Jersey Shore? Bad!
Jersey Shore S01E01-02 (MTV)
- Jersey Shore S01E03 Good Riddance
- Jersey Shore S01E04 Fade to Black
- Jersey Shore S01E05 Just Another Day At The Shore
- Jersey Shore S01E06 Boardwalk Blowouts
- Jersey Shore S01E07 What Happens In AC
- Jersey Shore S01E08 One Shot
- Jersey Shore S01E09
- Jersey Shore S02E01
- Jersey Shore S02E02
- Jersey Shore S02E03
- Jersey Shore S02E04
- Jersey Shore S02E05
- Jersey Shore S02E06
- Jersey Shore S02E07