I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.
The boys are eating up all the drama that the girls are creating. Basically, it’s because Angelina talked shit about Jenni, Sammi, and Schnookums in Jersey, so they are very annoyed that she’s here. Naturally, Angelina denies this. Once again, Jenni gets extremely aggressive. I wonder when she’s start hitting Angelina. Angelina better be careful, because Jenni is a strong girl, as The Situation learned last week.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
Ange takes out José out for a birthday dinner. Ron and Sam go with her.
José is definitely getting played, like a piano.
Ron takes Vinny’s flowers and gives them to Sam. Sam isn’t impressed.
José wants to sleep with Ange. She isn’t really interested. She didn’t give him any birthday sex.
How the hell did I wake up with my hair still done?
Ange tells Mike that she smushed José. Ange is such a liar.
It’s a sympathy bang
That’s a Mike-move.
Everybody knows that there is a double-standard. Everybody likes the guy who gets girls, he’s the man, he’s the pimp. Everybody doesn’t like the girl that is a ho, and that’s Angelina.
Angelina got it in with Vinny, so she’s a loosy goose. And then she had sex with José the next day, whore!
Rocio comes to see Pauly at the gelato shop.
Snooki and Jenni go to have their nails done. Snooki is totally out of it and needs to be woken up by Pauly. Jenni is getting ready for Tom, her boyfriend. Tom finds a phone number in Jenni’s notebook that he asked her not to take down. Tom says that he’s leaving. He goes out the door. Jenni says that she didn’t call him. He comes back in. They horse around in her bed. He makes her eat her bugger, or something like that.
Gina comes to see Ange. Ange’s mom sent some clothes over.
-Did you ever get kicked in your coocka?
-I ran into a house. I thought that I broke my vagina.
Snooki and Jenni
Ange is dancing with a dude that Snooki hooked up with.
You love my sloppy seconds.
The guys coming up to me are grenades.
A hot Canadian hooks up with Mike. Mike tries to get busy in the bathroom, but security chucks them out. Mike loses his girl in the crowd.
Pauly tells Ange off for dancing with Dennis. Nicole is pissed drunk while Tom and Jenni are trying to have sex. Snooki goes into Vinny’s bed.
I feel like I’m living with a bunch of zoo animals.
The boys do GTL. Mike comes back and finds Samantha’s number on the front door. Pauly decides to plant the number on Sam’s bed. He does a little prank but doesn’t take it too far.
Pauly and Vinny go to the beach. Ange snubs them at the beach. Pauly and Vinny do the same. They meet some girls.
Mike calls Samantha. He makes plans for her to come over. He starts cleaning the house. He leaves the dishes for Ange. Mike finds a used tampon on the bathroom floor.
I know that every month, there’s a situation.
Here you go, you dirty little trashbag.
Mike, while he puts Ange’s tampon under her pillow
Ange picks up some guy on the beach. Ange immediately finds the pad. The other HM come home.
-I cleaned up the all morning.
-I’m the one who cleaned up the whole house.
-Maybe if you didn’t leave a f*cking tampon the floor, what world do you live in? You are the dirtiest girl I ever met. I don’t care who is here. Shut your mouth, you dirty little hamster.
Mike to Ange
You know what you’re good at, you’re good at being a ho.
Ange goes after Mike. She hits him.
* * * * *
- How Bad Was The Jersey Shore? Bad! Jersey Shore S01E01-02 (MTV)
- Jersey Shore S01E03 Good Riddance
- Jersey Shore S01E04 Fade to Black
- Jersey Shore S01E05 Just Another Day At The Shore
- Jersey Shore S01E06 Boardwalk Blowouts
- Jersey Shore S01E07 What Happens In AC
- Jersey Shore S01E08 One Shot
- Jersey Shore S01E09
- Jersey Shore S02E01
- Jersey Shore S02E02
- Jersey Shore S02E03
- Jersey Shore S02E04
- Jersey Shore S02E05
- Jersey Shore S02E06
- Jersey Shore S02E07
- Jersey Shore S02E08