Jersey Shore Back to the Shore S03E01 (MTV)

Deena and Snooki, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.

The crew is back and the shit hits the fan almost immediately between Jenni, Snooki, and Sam. Ron is up to his misogynist ways as he screams at the new HM. Meanwhile, Mike is able to get Deena naked on the 1st day, within hours of arriving. Strangely, he’s not ready to tap that yet.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

Snooki is spraying shit on her boobs before heading to Seaside.

-You look like a hooker.
-Sick.
Snooki

Snooki invited Deena to the Jersey Shore house. The roommates don’t know that Deena is coming yet.

We go guy-shopping.
Deena

Jenni says that she needs a break from Tom.

Smells like The Situation.
Mike

Ronnie and Sam are still together. They’ve been together for a year. They are all driving BMWs except Vinny, who’s got a Benz, Pauly, who’s driving a Caddie, and Mike, who’s got a Range Rover.

Like a monkey belongs in the fucking jungle, I belong on the Jersey Shore.
Vinny

Sam and Ron arrive 1st at the house. They’ve got nicknames for Jenni and Snooki; whore and whorebag. Jenni says that she hasn’t spoken with Ron or Sam. She says that it’s too late. They avoid each other at the house when they arrive.

Vinny arrives. Jenni tells him that Ronnie and Sam took the room with the three beds. That messes everything up. Pauly arrives. He will bunk with Vinny. The HM make fun of Vinny’s shower caddy.

Snooki walks through the door with this Gremlin-lookalike. And she says that she’s the new RM.
Ronnie

Snooki and Deena arrive.

Deena hasn’t had sex in 2 months. She hopes to hook up. Snooki showcases her vibrator. Jenni isn’t impressed. It’s tiny.

Mike arrives. He has to take the 3rd bed in Ron/Sam’s room. He’s baffled.

It could have been MVP in that room, it’s a bad situation.
Mike

Sam ignores Deena. She’s a total bitch to her. She quickly leaves. Deena says that it’s going to be 3 against 1.

I’m single ready to mingle. I’m like a walking holiday.
Deena

I’m a blast in a glass.
Deena

If Deena was a holiday, she’d definitely be Thanksgiving coz she’s got a lot to give and she’s down for a lot of stuffing.
Mike

Deena gets back at Sam. They play flip cup. Ron/Sam aren’t there.

I can’t deal with fucking meatballs.
Sam

Then, the HM get into the hot tub. Deena is coming onto Vinny. This annoys Snooki. Two weeks ago, Vinny hooked up with Ryder. Snooki is pissed. Vinny doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Snooki wants to hook up with him, but he doesn’t want to.

Vinny tells her that he isn’t interested in her that way. If he hooks up with her tonight and he hooks up with another girl tomorrow, he’ll hurt her. He doesn’t want to do that.

I’m sorry, I have a penis.
Vinny

Cowboy hat is probably another term for Deena’s cookah.
Pauly

Deena and Mike go looking for her blast hat.

Deena is awkwardly cute and uh… We got a situation.
Mike

Deena shows him her bikini. Then, she takes off her bottoms.

Does The Situation want to get situated right now?
Mike

Mike pushes the eject button and leaves the room quickly. Deena tries to play it down. They go back outside. Mike tells Jenni and Pauly what happened.

Deena accidentally showed her cookah to Mike.
Mike

He saw my nana.
Deena

–I don’t know if she’s drunk or…
–Stupid?
–Yeah.
–I’m going to go with stupid.
Mike and Ron talking about Deena

Deena goes up to Mike/Ron/Sam’s room. Mike tells her to go. Sam is laughing at her. Deena tells her that everyone has a problem with her. Deena walks away and tells Snooki that Sam should rot in hell because she’s a c***. She rants on. It pisses Ron off. He runs down and confronts the girl. He shouts at her. Sam is there as well and she says that she is still laughing at her.

Deena reminded me of a dirty Chihuahua, just barking. You just want to slap it aside.
Sam

When Sam gets involved, Snooki gets involved.

Jenni and Sam get into a game of fisticuffs. It’s on.

* * * * *

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Author: range

I'm mathematician/IT strategist/blogger from Canada living in Taipei.

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