Jersey Shore It’s Gonna Be An Interesting Summer S03E02 (MTV)

Deena and Snooki, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.

The crew is back and the shit hits the fan almost immediately between Jenni, Snooki, and Sam. Ron is up to his misogynist ways as he screams at the new HM. Meanwhile, Mike is able to get Deena naked on the 1st day, within hours of arriving. Strangely, he’s not ready to tap that yet.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

Jenni gets involved and tells Sammi to hit her, whom she tries and misses or pulls back, I can’t really tell. Jenni is ready for it and starts pounding Sammi. Vinni tries to separate them, but they have to be restrained by some bouncers on set. The other HM were just watching. Sammi pulled off some of Jenni’s hair. Right after, Snooki and Sammi get into it again. The boys are still watching. The Situation tries to calm things down. Snooki, Deena, and Jenni say that Sammi is a mean girl. Deena and Snooki have some more drinks and have some fun.

My kookah’s out.
Snooki

Early the next morning, Mike wakes everyone up. He tries to clear the air between what went on yesterday, but it didn’t work. Sammi goes with them to the gym. Isn’t that against GTL law? She keeps a close eye on Ronnie.

Jenni, Deena, and Snooki go for a tan and a drink.

You only get milk in them when you’re pregnant, or something.
Deena

The crew is going out, but Ronnie and Sam stay behind. They go to Karma. Vinnie has a stalker.

That’s how you dodge a grenade, bro.
Pauly

At one point in the night, Nicole hides behind a bush.

Only me, I will pee in a bush, I will poop in a bush, I will hide in a bush. I do fucked up shit. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.
Snooki

When Jenni and Snooki come back, Jenni calls Tom. Jenni totally forgot about their anniversary. Tom reminds her and hangs up.

The Situation needs to situated himself.
Mike

I finally ditched the stalker, I’m just searching for girls, seeing who’s DTF, going on a good hog hunt.
Vinnie

For some reason, Mike tries to pull a robbery on Vinnie and says that the girl that Vinnie is bringing back is for him. Mike is all over her.

While Mike is getting ready, Vinnie gets the girl in the guest room and gets busy. Mike complains, but then leaves. Deena calls him downstairs.

Ron and Sammi go to church. They take the big car.

She’s like an energizer bunny, but she doesn’t stop. Her batteries don’t die. My batteries die.
Snooki

The other HM aren’t happy. Mike will reprimand them. Jenni wants to go tanning with the boys. She makes Deena comes. Snooki was all like, I’m gonna lie down and drink.

Pauly has trouble pronouncing filet mignon. He pronounces the ‘g’. Deena helps out with the cooking. Mike is orchestrating the whole thing. Ronnie and Sam are out eating. The HM are shocked that Ronnie and Sammi aren’t here.

So we come to Sunday dinner to squash all of our differences, and if Sammi and Ronnie don’t show up, they’re not interested in squashing their differences.
Pauly

While the HM are still eating, Sammi and Ronnie come back. Sammi has got a big plush banana. They just go up to their room.

You don’t come in on Sunday with a big banana and expect everything to be peaches.
Pauly

Pauly and Vinnie are probably most upset. Pauly brings it up. Sammi says that she could care less.

I have no idea why Sammi is here. She’s boring, she’s just there. She’s just like furniture.
Deena

The guys go back to the t-shirt shop. They will work there the whole summer.

I’d rather do nothing and sleep.
Snooki

Jenni tells Snooki and Vinnie that she no longer cares about Sammi.

I’m taking all of Sam’s miseries and keeping them inside.
Ronnie

Ronnie feels isolated because he’s got to stick with Sammi all the time. He can’t just hang out with the guys. Vinnie, Deena, and Mike go to the t-shirt shop. First day of work, Mike disappears to get a bagel.

You need to feed the machine before the machine can row.
Mike

When Deena comes back, she plays kickball with Snooki on the roof/terrace. Naturally, they lose the ball over another roof. They try to get it, but utterly fail. Vinnie comes along and plays MacGuyver.

What if we lick it before we stick it.
Vinnie

Vinnie manages to get the ball back. Mike talks with Ronnie about going on the boardwalk on the rides. Sammi overhears the conversation and makes everything awkward. It was just supposed to be the boys, but all of the girls will come. Sammi goes with them, but sits out the rides. WTF. She says that she doesn’t want to have fun with these people. Sammi makes a big deal and pouts all of the time. Ronnie just wants to have fun. Back at the house, Sammi is crying. She doesn’t trust Ron and she’s thinking a lot about Miami and how it was there. She says that he lied to her face for two months in Miami. She can’t let it go. It’s the end of another episode and Ronnie and Sammi’s relationship is again on the rocks. What else is new?

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Author: range

I'm mathematician/IT strategist/blogger from Canada living in Taipei.

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