Jersey Shore Drunk Punch Love S03E05/S02E18 (MTV)

Deena and Snooki, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.

The crew is back and the shit hits the fan almost immediately between Jenni, Snooki, and Sam. Ron is up to his misogynist ways as he screams at the new HM. Meanwhile, Mike is able to get Deena naked on the 1st day, within hours of arriving. Strangely, he’s not ready to tap that yet.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

Jenni is crying. At least she’s got Snooki with her. They get new keys for Jenni’s door. They mess it up but then figure it out.

At the Jersey Shore, Ryder comes by. Vinny had sex with her. She is/was Nicole’s best friend. Ryder goes for a bar crawl with Deena. Jenni and Snooki come back with the dogs.

The HM get ready to go out to Karma. Sammi sees Ron talking to a girl at the bar and gets jealous immediately. Vinny talks to a Sicilian girl named Gina. She’s got a lot of family here. Vinny manages to get her home. Pauly and Mike also have girls here. Sammi is jealous again and drunk. She goes to bed. Ron just hears her. She says that he hates her. They fight again.

The other HM are eating pizza. Ron throws Sam’s shit around, ready for her to pack. Mike watches and gets out. This happened while Sam went down to get some pizza. Ron had to point this out to Sammi. Mike says that Ron just kicked her out of her own room. Ron is giggling maniacally.

Mike offers some sweatpants to his girl. The other girl is a grenade. Vinny gets the grenade horn. Mike tells the grenade that Pauly is her man. They all hear the grenade whistle/horn. Why do they call it a whistle?

Good thing that I’m trained in the art of dodging a grenade, that’s what I’m going to do.

Gina’s uncle and brother come to pick her up. Vinny won’t call her again because of her overprotective family. Mike dodges the grenade as well.

Jenni tells Ron that she is his friend and that she loves him. Ron is crying. She said that she went through the same shit with Tom. Sam has packed up her stuff. Ron apologizes and Jenni does the same thing. The HM decide to light Ryder’s cake. Mike tells Sammi that Ron is talking with Jenni. She immediately gets up and starts clapping and yelling at him. She’s getting louder and louder. She goes down and berates him with the same question again and again. Then she punches him and says she needs to leave.

Are you friends with her?

Sammi calls her mom and says that she needs to pick her up now.

Sammi’s ego is like a brick wall. There’s no getting through to Sammi when she’s being stubborn.

Vinny and Pauly try to talk to her, but she’s not listening. All of the HM are there except Ron and Jenni. Sammi doesn’t want to hear it.

Jenni’s dogs are obnoxious and loud. The night is long. The next morning, Sammi apologizes for hitting Ron. Ron just leaves. Sammi goes away to take care of her bags, then comes back up to find him crying. Mike was comforting him. They both go inside. Their relationship is kind of broken. They are too stupid to figure out what is wrong with it. She apologizes again. She wants a change to make things better. Ron gives her a chance. Sammi seems apologetic the next day.

Sammi calls her mom to tell her that everything is fine. She says that she punched him in the face.

Ryder leaves. They have a Sunday dinner. Sammi apologizes to them. Tonight, Jenny is going out with Roger, Deena is going out with Dean, the Ron lookalike.

Nicole buys a stripper pole for the house with Vinny. The HM have fun with it. For some reason, Ron likes it a lot.

One of the barbers says that Deena likes to get it in the ass or licking ass. They got this from Dean, who goes to the same place as them. The HM are at the gym. Mike couldn’t control himself and tells Deena. Pauly says that Dean wanted Deena to give him a BJ, but she wanted to lick his ass.

The HM go out to Karma. Deena tells Dean to get lost. Jenni approaches Sammi to get some drinks. Sammi goes with her. At least they are being civil. Jenni apologizes and they hug it out.

* * * * *

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Author: range

I'm mathematician/IT strategist/blogger from Canada living in Taipei.

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