I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.
The crew is back and the shit hits the fan almost immediately between Jenni, Snooki, and Sam. Ron is up to his misogynist ways as he screams at the new HM. Meanwhile, Mike is able to get Deena naked on the 1st day, within hours of arriving. Strangely, he’s not ready to tap that yet.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
Sam, Ron, and Jenni patch things up. A little later, Sammi is upset again for some reason. The boys are creeping. They decide to walk home. Mike has got a girl, Sammi is heating up food for Ron. Ron is pretty drunk. He barfs. Apparently this wasn’t the first time tonight. Snooki passed out in the dog’s kennel.
The next day, Ron notices that he is bleeding when he goes to the bathroom. He goes to see a doc with Sammi.
Why is Ronnie bleeding out of his ass?
Ron goes to see a proctologist. The doc tells him to stop drinking to get better. Ron got a hand up his ass. He gets some crème.
Me, Deena, and Jenni always end up fucked up conversations.
I did it all day once and the next day I couldn’t move.
Snooki about masturbation
Snooki, Deena, and Jenni go run some errands. Nicole gets on a tricycle. She breaks it of course.
Ronnie calls his friend Petey. They plan on meeting up at Karma. Three of Ron’s friends show up. Deena likes Dario. Snooki hooks up with some guido. Deena wants to take Dario home to screw or snuggle. The HM leave early. They walk home again.
Snooki wants to screw. She immediately runs to the smush room with Jeff, who’s DTF. Snooki has got her period. Deena takes Dario inside but only for a cuddle.
The next day, Snooki makes Jeff use the stripper pole and he falls down on his ass. She takes him on the boardwalk to go on some rides.
That’s why the water is salty, from the whale sperm.
Jeff was in Iraq. He comes on too strong for Nicole. He tells her all about his life. She’s not interested. He was engaged or something like that.
You better send roses, dog, roses with fried pickles.
Pauly to Jeff on the phone
The girls go to a sex store. Jenni looks pretty good in some leather.
I look like a hot drunk baseball player.
-Where are the boys?
-Doing woman shit.
-Yeah really, we’re at the sex store and they are making dinner.
The boys are getting pissed because they are doing everything in this house. They cook, clean, etc.
Bitch, I cook you breakfast every morning when I get up. And you don’t do shit for me. What don’t I do for Sam, except wipe her ass and breathe for her.
Ron and Sam make the Sunday dinner shitty.
I mean I have a headache from dealing with Ron and Sam’s relationship. I feel like I am in the relationship and it’s not even mine. I actually can’t talk about it right now, it’s giving me a headache right now, for real.
The girls arrive 2 hours late at their job. Jenni isn’t wearing a t-shirt.
I don’t like work because I don’t like working.
It looks like Ron spent the whole day in bed. Sam asks him if he wants to break up. They start fighting again.
Hell has to be just like that.
We’re waiting for Sam, who’s straightening her hair, whose hair is already straight! The only thing that needs straightening is her brain.
Deena ends up going out with the boys.
Deena is crazy in the club. She Jersey turnipikes all night long.
Pauly’s stalker is there. Pauly ends up making a truce and takes the stalker home. The second they get home, Pauly puts on the shirt that she made for him last summer.
Later, Sammi and Ronnie argue some more. Ronnie just wants to be left alone, but she doesn’t get the message. She keeps picking at him. They go on the balcony and argue some more. Sam decides to move her stuff out of the room.
* * * * *
- How Bad Was The Jersey Shore? Bad! Jersey Shore S01E01-02 (MTV)
- Jersey Shore S01E03 Good Riddance
- Jersey Shore S01E04 Fade to Black
- Jersey Shore S01E05 Just Another Day At The Shore
- Jersey Shore S01E06 Boardwalk Blowouts
- Jersey Shore S01E07 What Happens In AC
- Jersey Shore S01E08 One Shot
- Jersey Shore S01E09
- Jersey Shore S02E01
- Jersey Shore S02E02
- Jersey Shore S02E03
- Jersey Shore S02E04
- Jersey Shore S02E05
- Jersey Shore S02E06
- Jersey Shore S02E07
- Jersey Shore S02E08
- Jersey Shore S02E09
- Jersey Shore S02E10
- Jersey Shore S02E11
- Jersey Shore S02E12
- Jersey Shore S02E13
- Jersey Shore S03E01
- Jersey Shore S03E02
- Jersey Shore S03E03
- Jersey Shore S03E04
- Jersey Shore S03E05