Jersey Shore Cabs Are Here S02E20/S03E07 (MTV)

Deena and Snooki, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.

Sammi finally leaves after having constant arguments with Ron over the last few days. It got pretty bad. They have a very dysfunctional relationship. They both need to behave as adults before they can be together. I doubt that this will ever happen though.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

The next day, Ron tells Sam that the way she talked to him was uncalled for. Mike is talking with Sam. Ron doesn’t like it because Mike is talking about what Ron did in Miami. Ron overhears this. He tells Pauly and Deana. Ron wants to put Mike in his place. He’s playing both sides. Pauly takes him out on the boardwalk on the rides. Ron and Pauly walk by Sammi and Deana. She hallucinates that Ron was with a girl. Sammi starts to flirt immediately.

Ron wants to talk with Mike. Ron is still annoyed at Mike.

I’m going to get back at Ron the best way I know how.

Mike comes home and Ron gets very loud. He’s pissed that Mike told Sammi that everything in the note that Snooki and Jenni wrote was right. Mike tells Ron that he apologizes. He took the high road and let things go. They hug it out. Pauly is really surprised. It was kind of like a Jedi mind trick. Mike just placated him to shut him up. That was really interesting.

Maybe Mike gave him some like voodoo trick or something like that to avoid getting his ass kicked by Ronnie, I don’t know. Mike just apologized to shut Ronnie up.

Roger comes by.

-What’s in that bag?
-It’s a whole bag of condoms.
Roger to Snooki

Roger and Jenni go out to some Mexican place. Everyone at the restaurant knows him.

Back at the house, Sammi and Ron argue again. Ron doesn’t want to deal with her anymore. He made a mistake 6 months ago and he’s been paying ever since.

Sammi goes out with the girls. Ronnie goes out with the boys.

Cry some more tears, Niagara Falls!
Ron to Sam

Instead of leaving it alone, Sam asks Ron what he will do if a girl hits on him. He says that they are broken up, what does it matter to her?

Pauly and Vinny hear them argue once again. Sammi is crying. Ron says that he has the smush room tonight.

-I still say that they get together by the end of the night.
-Yeah, they are going to bang soon.
Pauly and Vinny

It starts escalating in the room. Ronnie starts throwing her shit out of the door. Mike is there and tries to pull Ron away, but he won’t. Mike calls the boys. Ron is trying to throw out Sammi’s bed. Sammi has to be restrained.

All three boys help out to restrain both of them.

This fight was the worst fight I’ve ever seen. I mean it’s like a 5-car crash. It was horrible, but you can’t keep your eyes off it.

Vinny and Mike try to take Ron away, but he ends up throwing out Sammi’s stuff on the porch.

Fuck you, you dirtbag. Just like Snooki said, you’re a slut.
Ron to Sam

Ron and the boys finally leave the house. Snooki tells Sammi that she should get dressed up and get some guy.

The boys go to Aztec for a drink. Roger and Jenni see them and join them.

The girls bring down Sam’s bed. Snooki and Deena aren’t very good at this.

The staircase is like really really small and the bed is really wide. It’s kind of like an analogy of Vinny’s penis not fitting in my pinhole.

The girls go to Aztec. That’s really stupid. Ron sees them arrive. They make some noise and Sammi starts dancing with some guys. She gets into it and grinds her ass on some guy’s crotch.

Wow, that’s a situation!
Mike seeing Sammi dance with some guy

Ronnie is watching Sammi grinding around. Sammi does look pretty good. Ronnie tries to talk with her, but Mike takes him away so that he doesn’t do anything to end up in jail tonight.

Ron comes home and starts trashing Sam’s stuff. It’s pretty bad.

That’s a breakup right there.

Sam comes home and finds her stuff destroyed. Ron destroyed her glasses. Sammi comes up to the porch to talk with Ron about what he did. Ron says that what he did in Miami, he did when she wasn’t there. At least he had enough respect for her to do that. She had no respect for him because she was dancing with some dude right next to him. Whatever.

When Jenni and Roger come back, Jenni gest dressed up with her leather underwear that she bought at the sex store.

Jenni looks so hot, like pornstar hot, if Roger wasn’t there, I’d probably have sex with her.

I am stressed out about Ron and Sam’s relationship. Am I supposed to be stressed out about someone else’s relationship? It’s not right

Mike says that Ron was crying all night about what happened. Deena and Snooki go out for lunch. A waiter offers them some shots and they make fun of his tight shorts.

Yo, his shorts are fricking tight. Talk about tightie whities. He had cameltoe going on on his penis and everything.

As night falls, Sammi wants to leave. She tells the girls that she is leaving tonight. She packs up a bag and calls a cab. She tells Vinny and Pauly. She tells Mike. Ron hears of it and goes to talk with her. She tells him that she can’t do this anymore. She is crying. She says that she needs to go. They hug and cry. Sammi leaves.

* * * * *

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Author: range

I'm mathematician/IT strategist/blogger from Canada living in Taipei.

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