Jersey Shore GTF Gym Tan Find Out Who Sammi Is Texting S02E24/S03E11 (MTV)

Deena and Snooki, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.

Sammi returns and Ron has trouble adapting to single life. He’s been acting strange, kind of like a fifth grader. He needs counseling in my opinion, or anger management classes. Probably both. He was abusive to Sammi and she hasn’t forgiven him yet.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

Vinny and Pauly go to Staten Island. They go to see Vinny’s family. Vinny’s family isn’t poor. I see a Dodge Charger and a Hummer in their driveway. They have a lot of food and go back.

Ron and Jenny go to do their nails and GTL.

The rest of the house left the Situation.

Mike plays with Jenny’s dogs. The dogs piss and shit all over the place after Mike fed them some junk. There is poop and pee all over the place. Mike pretends that he is sleeping. The girls smell Mike’s cologne on the dogs.

Vinny and Pauly come back with loads of food. The HM go out to Karma. They don’t get tired of it. Snooki finds some guido who looks like Pauly. Ron and Sam kiss. They’re both drunk. Sam regrets it almost immediately. On the way back, Nicole fell down. Nick patches her up at home.

For that, he’s getting it in.

Vinny goes with the girls and Ron to get a spray-tan. Vinny is happy with his tan. On the way back, they come across Roger in his 6-series. The HM think that he’s got a girl in the car. He escaped. Once home, she calls Roger and she’s pissed. She thinks that he did a click off on her. He doesn’t call back. The HM make fun of her a bit and she feels bad for leaving an angry message.

The girls want to get the boys with water balloons. Deena keeps falling down. Vinny goes after the girls to lock them out. Then, the balloon war starts. The boys overdo it a beat, as usual. Then, the girls try to get them back. Ron throws Sam and Deena into the Jacuzzi.

Roger calls back and he’s pretty annoyed. He wants a little room to breathe. Jenni cares for him.

Ron and Sam talk. He thinks that they should work things out. Sam says that she is scared. He wants to prove to her that he’s not the same person as before. Sam tells the girls about Ron.

It’s the same shit different toilet with Ron and Sam.

It’s gorilla central.

Mike is obsessed with washing his face and masks. Snooki broke out and Mike hooks her up.

That night, the HM go back to Karma (again). Mike meets his friend Arvin there.

He looks like a jacked up guido McGuyver.

It turns out that Sammi wanted to hook up with Arvin last week or something like that. He shows him the text messages. Mike shows the evidence to Jenni. Mike wants to stir up trouble. They tell the other roommates. Snooki tells Sammi while the boys tell Ron. Sammi goes to confront him. Ron is freaking out. Sammi blames Mike. Mike is a shit-stirrer.

I think that Sam is dogging her own.

The boys go home. Ron goes up to his room to cry. The boys want to see WWIII. The girls come back. The boys are a bit stupid. Sammi says that Mike is the shady one. Sam and Mike start arguing. Ron gets into it as well. Sam walks off. Ron goes after her.

I will kill myself if they are still together.

* * * * *

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Author: range

I'm mathematician/IT strategist/blogger from Canada living in Taipei.

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