Jersey Shore A House Divided S02E25/S03E12 (MTV)

Deena and Snooki, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. In tonight’s episode, sparks fly as Ronnie and Sammi hook up and fight once again. Ronnie admits to loving Sammi. Meanwhile, Angelina gets super-drunk and cock-blocks The Situation and Pauly D, who don’t take kindly to her cock-blocking ways.

The shit hits the fan when the HM discover that Sammi has been texting another guy. Apparently, this isn’t something that you do if you are in a relationship. WTF.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

Ron is berating Sam. He’s holding her back and she’s crying. There’s a double-standard.

-So if a girl showed up for me…
-I’d kill her.
Ron and Sam

Deena defies the laws of intelligence. I never thought someone would make Snooki look like a rocket scientist, but Deena takes the cake.

Ron says that he’s not sure that he loves Sam anymore. He was fooling around last year, and she’s still with him. They sleep apart.

Today is Deena’s last day at the Shore Store.

I’m running with scissors in my hands.

Vinny takes Snooki out for lunch.

Vinny and I were just like friends with benefits.

He talks about the girls he’s screwing. She doesn’t like hearing that but they don’t fight. The guys are pestering Vinny to get his ears pierced.

Them earrings changed my man Vinny. He thinks that he is the man.

What’s Deena’s favourite part about Super Mario Brothers? Denim, denim, denim.
Pauly and Vinny about Deena’s denim outfight

The HM go out to Aztec. Vinny finds Danielle there. The stalker chick is back. She’s ruining Pauly’s chances with some girls. Ron and Sammi stay home to talk and have wine.

Danielle is the only thing that scares me at Seaside.

Sammi admits that she was trying to hook up or make Ron jealous, or something like that. She’s not very clear, but she apologizes to Ron. Ron gets a taste of how Sam felt in Miami. They hook up and sleep in Ron’s bed. Sammi was surprised that Ron invited her up.

A lot of girls are coming up and talking about grenades.

They should call Aztec Leftovers.

Pauly runs away from a fat old lady.

This woman is not a grenade, she’s an atomic bomb.

Vinny and Pauly take some girls back home.

It’s a grenade free America.

When you’re dealing with a bunch of grenades, it’s like you’re dealing with the best looking ugly chick.

The brother of Vinny’s girl shows up. Pauly dumps his girl. Pauly was into his girl all that much. Vinny tells the bro to take both of the girls home. One of the girls says that she’s rather fuck Mike. Vinny kicks them out. Then, he grabs Snooki to show that he’d be screwing her. He was joking. Vinny is drunk. Then he dry humps her and pretends to screw her.

Vinny is being the ultimate douchebag.

Sam and Vinny have a little rap-off. Then, Vinny falls to the ground. Sammi didn’t like his last rap. It was mean. He said something about her being the sneakiest bitch you’ll ever meet.

Mike is slacking off at the Shore Store. He hides around in the store to sleep. Danny is looking for him. He finds him sleeping and tells him that he’s fired.

It’s all over the house that Sam slept with Ron. Sam slept with her contacts. She has trouble seeing and makes Ron take her to the doctor.

Ron’s mom calls. She sounds drunk. Deena answers the phone. Jenni takes the phone. She is drunk. Jenni gives the phone to Mike. Mike tells Connie everything that happened between Ron and Sam. Deena is there and hears it all.

Ron’s mom calls again and again. She’s drunk dialling the house. Mike tells everyone that he was on the phone for half an hour. Jenni tells Sam what Ron did. Ron is getting aggravated with his mom. Sam tells Ron what Mike did.

Mike tells Ron more shit that happened between Sam. All of the boys have their own opinion about what happened. They don’t know that Sammi apologized to Ron.

They already neutraled that.

Jenni thinks that the boys are brainwashing Ron. Mike thinks that Ron is being played, punked, etc. by Sam. The boys are shit-stirring, especially Mike. Sam goes to talk with Mike. Sam doesn’t back down and they go in circles. Sam thinks that Mike is going to ruin her relationship. Ron thinks that there was something fishy is going on. Mike calls Sam a sneaky bitch.

Mike says that he will call Arvin and get it from the horses’ mouth. Everyone can listen in. It’s a Jersey Shore trial.

I don’t trust a girl texting another dude.

Mike is mindfucking him.

Mike talks with Arvin. He says that he hung out a lot with Sam and made out with her. Ron asks him straight out if he hooked up with her. He says no, but he made out with her. Ron gets angry, really angry.

* * * * *

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Author: range

I'm mathematician/IT strategist/blogger from Canada living in Taipei.

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