I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. The cast is heading to Italy to meet real Italians. We all know that this will only end in tears. At the end of this episode, we saw some previews in which Mike ended in a stretcher after Ronnie attacked him over stuff that happened last season.
Even though they are idiotic at times, they are entertaining to watch. While Deena is trying to hook up with a very reluctant Pauly, Sammi tries to get back with Ron. Mike is still creepy, but manages to land an American in Florence.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
The action picks up at Otel. It’s another take on the disgusting make-out session between Deena and Pauly.
Let’s hook up and cuddle.
He just keeps touching me, it’s gross.
Snooki about Mike
Snooki tells Pauly to fuck Deena, but Pauly doesn’t shit where he eats. Instead, he goes cruising for Italian chicks.
If you hook up with Deena tonight, I would appreciate it.
Pauly to Vinny
The HM leave the club. At the house, Ronnie calls his friend Hannah. He asks her to come visit. Deena falls over the place. It’s not pretty, as usual.
She is clumsy, she falls all the time.
Pauly pretends he’s sleeping when Deena comes a knocking that night.
The next morning, Pauly wakes everyone up annoyingly. They go to the supermarket. They have some trouble because nothing is in English. When the boys and Deena get back, Sammi wants to cook. She says she’s good, but the boys are doubtful. Deena puts dishwashing soap in the dishwasher. They do some half-assed cooking preparations, and leave. They actually go for a bite to eat. The boys are starving. They start cooking.
While all this is happening, Snooki is still sleeping. Snooki calls her boyfriend, and he’s pissed.
The Situation is very good when it comes to relationship advice.
Mike cuddles her and hugs her a lot. It’s creepy because he’s got an agenda.
Marco, the pizzeria owner, calls the HM. He wants them to come over to work. They all work for them. They are late.
She loves hot salami.
Jenni about Snooki
Marco chooses Snooki to show how to make the pizzas. He says that he’ll show them once, and that’s it. No questions will be allowed later.
If Snooki can make pizza, anyone can.
Jenni is afraid of the manual coffee grinder. She decides to crush coffee beans.
Making coffee in Italy is like making coffee in the 1600s.
They don’t know how to use an espresso maker. Jenni uses a garlic presser to partially grind up some beans.
The HM go out again to a club named Astor. Snooki has been sleeping all day. An American girl named Brittany hits on Mike. Snooki tells him she’s ugly.
Ron has got a back-up chick, her name is Hannah. Ron is going to fly this girl out.
Ron tells Jenni, who immediately tells Paul and Vinny. Ron is pretty messed up. Snookie and Deena look like they’re having a good time. Sammi isn’t.
Ron is in Sammi’s face about something and she starts to cry. On the way back, Ron falls down.
Mike takes the Floridean home. Sammi is taking Deena home, and trying to evade the cops and from getting charged with drunken and disorderly conduct. She immediately falls when she comes in the door.
After they screw, Mike, while he’s still in bed with the girl doing stuff, asks her if he should call her a friend or a taxi to get home. She won’t be a repeat customer.
Mike makes a statement about how he feels to Snooki. She tells him that she likes him as a friend, nothing more.
The next day, they go do some laundry. Vinny tells Sammi that’s he’s done with them being drunk and acting like fools. Mike stirs a bit of shit in that situation as well. Snooki and Ron are still sleeping.
It’s like a love-cuzzi, because it gravitates you towards each other.
Ron and Vinny get into the Jacuzzi together. Mike tries to cuddle with Deena, she escaped. The next day, they go out for lunch.
Vatican. That’s the one that Leonardo Da Vinci painted with his hands.
For some reason, the HM are under the impression that the Vatican is in Florence. They see a bit cathedral, and automatically assume it’s the Vatican. They are ignorant bastards to be honest.
Pauly brings up that Mike wanted to snuggle with Deena, but she didn’t. Deena is pissed at him. Mike says that he didn’t wan to snuggle with Deena.
Pauly gets Deena a bracelet to make up with her. That was nice. He also apologized. The HM go out to another club. Deena keeps falling down.
Sammi is totally drunk again. She approaches Ron and tells him that she cannot wait anymore. Ron is also drunk, but he tells her that he doesn’t want to do this now, while they are both drunk.
Deena tries to reason with Sammi, but she’s crying again.
The boys have a few laughs about how young the girls are at the club. They go home. Mike calls Brittany and she’s DTF.
Deena is sitting on Pauly. Drunk Ron tells them that “that’s your chick” and Pauly promptly leaves. Sammi tells Ron that she misses him and loves him.
Fuck me in the ass with a spiked bat, I’d rather not do that.
Ron about Sammi
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- How Bad Was The Jersey Shore? Bad! Jersey Shore S01E01-02 (MTV)
- Jersey Shore S01E03 Good Riddance
- Jersey Shore S01E04 Fade to Black
- Jersey Shore S01E05 Just Another Day At The Shore
- Jersey Shore S01E06 Boardwalk Blowouts
- Jersey Shore S01E07 What Happens In AC
- Jersey Shore S01E08 One Shot
- Jersey Shore S01E09
- Jersey Shore S02E01
- Jersey Shore S02E02
- Jersey Shore S02E03
- Jersey Shore S02E04
- Jersey Shore S02E05
- Jersey Shore S02E06
- Jersey Shore S02E07
- Jersey Shore S02E08
- Jersey Shore S02E09
- Jersey Shore S02E10
- Jersey Shore S02E11
- Jersey Shore S02E12
- Jersey Shore S02E13
- Jersey Shore S03E01
- Jersey Shore S03E02
- Jersey Shore S03E03
- Jersey Shore S03E04
- Jersey Shore S03E05
- Jersey Shore S03E06
- Jersey Shore S03E07
- Jersey Shore S03E08
- Jersey Shore S03E09
- Jersey Shore S03E10
- Jersey Shore S03E11
- Jersey Shore S03E12
- Jersey Shore S03E13
- Jersey Shore S04E01