Jersey Shore And the Wall Won S04E05 (MTV)

The cast reunited, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. The cast is heading to Italy to meet real Italians. We all know that this will only end in tears. At the end of this episode, we saw some previews in which Mike ended in a stretcher after Ronnie attacked him over stuff that happened last season.

Even though they are idiotic at times, they are entertaining to watch. Well, it looks like the wall hurt Mike more than Ron. Ron-Ron needs to stop juicing and start working out those issues he has and Mike needs to stop shit-stirring. Anyway, it all ends pretty well for the crew.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

So basically, they didn’t really fight much. Mike ended up throwing himself against the wall, which was the cause of his injury. It was hard enough for him to lose consciousness for a few moments.

OK maybe not. Mike launches himself again against the wall and then they scuffle. Nothing much happen because the bouncers on staff arrive and separate them. Sam and Jenni are crying. Mike says that the walls were hard, but with all of his muscles, Ron didn’t manage to hurt him at all. They get riled up again.

Now Jenni starts yelling at Sammi. She wants her to walk away. Sam doesn’t get the message.

I don’t think either of them can fight.

Pauly says that the fight was pretty lame. He says that Mike was committing suicide to stop dealing with the Sam and Ron BS. Mike’s head is hurting. Snooki tells him to go to the hospital. Jenni calls the ambulance. They take Mike away. All the girls are crying. Pauly goes with Mike.

I don’t want him to die.

Now Jenni is in Ron’s face trying to understand the situation. Sammi is pissed that Jenni is talking with Ron. Sammi goes back to Ron and starts to argue again. Jenni begs her to leave.

A bit later, Ron calms down.

The second that I’m back with Sam, look at what happens.

The craziest thing is that like he’s in the hospital and it’s not even because of the fight. He fucking knocked himself out, what the fuck.

Ron says that he can’t be with Sam. He talks to her and says that he’s sorry. She’s still crying in her bed. He apologizes to Vinny, but he says that it’s not working. He loses control and it’s not cool.

He tells Sam that they shouldn’t be together. He tells her that he’s been calling a girl in Long Island. Sam says that she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. He’s glad it’s out, but she doesn’t want to listen. Ron decides to pack his stuff and leave.

He’s trapped in his own mind.

That must be a small place. Vinny tries to talk him out of it. Ron then says that maybe he just needs to leave for a few days. Ron stops packing and just sits and thinks.

Vinny is like the Dr. Phil in the house.

Some florist calls. She’s got flowers for Snooki, Sally, and Jenni. Who’s Sally? Maybe Sammi.

Ron starts cleaning up Mike’s stuff. He still hates Mike, but he’s not that mean.

Pauly comes back and says that Mike is fine. They will keep him for observation to see that he’s fine. Pauly is beat and goes to bed.

Mike comes back. Mike had a light concussion with a neck sprain. he goes to bed. Ron apologizes to Mike and says that he’s sorry.

The conflict between me and Ron is unsettled. It could pop off at any time. I won’t hesitate to fight him and he won’t hesitate to fight me because no one got the better in round one.

The next day, Ron decides to spend the day by himself. He should stop juicing up, work out more, and maybe to more cardio instead of losing his cool. Jenni and Snooki get flowers from their boyfriend.

But hey, if it wasn’t fucked up, it wouldn’t be our house, right?

The gang goes to do GTL. All of the HM can’t stand the Ron-Sam relationship blues. They run into Ron when they grab a bite to eat.

Jionni calls Snooki and she starts talking dirty, but he doesn’t like that. For some reason Ron-Ron is listening in. Sam gives back the stuff that Ron gave her. Sam has decided that Ron isn’t for her anymore. She talks to Mike, but he doesn’t listen. He ignored her. No one was really checking on Mike, which makes him sad. He has a little pity cry.

I feel alienated.

He looks ridiculous.

Ron sees the shit that Sam dumped on his bed, and he decides to throw it away. Sam rescues the stuff. Mike has to stay home for a week. He can’t go out. Mike is talking with Ron. Mike explains his technique to Ron. He didn’t realize that the wall was cement. He said that a few years ago, he was in a fight with a guy twice his size. To get the pain out right away, he put his head through a sheet wall. The other kid was scared and thought he was crazy and ran off. Ron and Mike are laughing about it. Snooki doesn’t understand it. Mike apologizes to Ron for interfering. Ron doesn’t say much.

The girls go out. Jenni and Deanna give Sam some tips on how to handle conflict. The boys go out. Some guy provokes Pauly. Pauly gets in his face and the guy backs down.

Pauly was white-boy wasted.

Pauly kept his cool. He was jealous because Pauly was dancing with some girl.

The girls come back home. Snooki talks with Mike. She says that she loves him as a friend and he messed up. Snooki says that when she saw him on the floor she thought he was dying.

The boys are trying to make Ron creep. A girl wants to come home with Ron, but Ron realizes what he’s doing and gets some flowers for Sam. I thought he was done with her? Sam reacts strangely. She thought he was bringing home a grenade. He takes the roses back and throws him away. Sam rescues them.

* * * * *

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Author: range

I'm mathematician/IT strategist/blogger from Canada living in Taipei.

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