Jersey Shore Ciao Italia S04E12 (MTV)

The cast reunited, via Vulture

I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true.

Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. The cast is heading to Italy to meet real Italians. We all know that this will only end in tears. You knew exactly where this was heading. The Meatball train is leaving Italy. Mike feels alienated, and none of the HM really care much about this. He’s been a dick for the longest amount of time and it’s finally come to bite him in the ass. He threatened not to come to Jersey, but when none of the HM reacted or asked him to come, he said that he would come to Jersey.

Snooki and Deena truly made fools of themselves. I’m surprised at how many times they showed their privates to the camera while they were in clubs. Still, it’s kind of sad that we have to wait until next year to get another Jersey Shore season.

Warning: This post might offend you.

[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]

Mike is talking to himself. Snooki is up now because she stayed home. The HM come back. Sammi wants Ron to have a talk with Mike. Mike doesn’t really listen.

If he fucks with me in Jersey, I’ll fucking kill him.
Sammi

Vinny, Sammi, and Pauly do their last shift at the pizzeria. They had fun.

Sam and Ron get it on. Pauly and Mike think it’s funny.

The whole house knows that it took them 5 minutes to get their smush on. No wonder Sam never smiles!
Pauly

Mike tells his sister that he’s not going to Jersey. Snooki overheard and tells Deena. Deena says that he’s just starting a drama and trying to get some attention. Jenni feels sick and she’s staying in.

Deena doesn’t like the club. She wants to bounce. Team Meatball is out of here. Vinny thinks that the girls are grenades, so they decide to leave. He takes Pauly to Twice.

I was getting boob sweat, I was getting kookah sweat, ass sweat.
Deena

I’m having sex with the couch right now.
Nicole

Team Meatball meet a drunk girl who joins in.

She just fucked my clutch.
Deena

Meatball power is in full effect right now.
Vinny

Vinny and Pauly join Team Meatball. Sam, Ron and Mike go home. Pauly’s girl is too drunk, so he sends her home.

If it wasn’t for Meatball number 2, Meatball number 1 would be lost. And was is Meatball number 2 without Meatball number 1, ya know.
Deena

Jenni slept for 21 hours. The HM choose some t-shirts for Marco. It’s a tradition. Dee gives him a thong. They drop off their stuff and leave.

I didn’t even know that Deena wore underwear to be honest.
Ron

The HM have a BBQ. They decide to go sight seeing.

Seeing Nicole cleaning is like seeing Mike with a condom. It just doesn’t happen.
Vinny

Mike tells Snooki that he’s probably not going back to Jersey. His mind is made up. Snooki says that it’s his decision. Mike expected her to tell him to stay.

The tour is a walking tour, much to the despair of Mike and Nicole. Mike is setting himself apart. Mike apologizes to the group.

Michael’s apologies are always bullshit to me. It’s the same shit, different country.
Jenni

The HM go home and then go out, almost immediately. They are leaving tomorrow. Mike wants to start a fight.

Deena and Nicole stack the plants on the kitchen table as a prank. The next day, Mike does breakfast. The HM leave.

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