I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true. I’ve also noticed that the vocabulary that the cast uses is quite insidious and sometimes appropriate, especially if you go out a lot and date. The words DTF, creeping, and other terms are a common occurrence when you open your eyes. The vocabulary is also very easy to use.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. Mike finally realizes that the HM don’t give a shit about him. His antics have alienated him from the rest of the HM, and they’re happy that he’s not really involved. Mike pretends to leave at the end of the episode, but we all know that he’ll be back.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
Vinny just left and Pauly doesn’t look happy. The other HM don’t know this yet. Pauly goes to find them and tell them the news. The girls have trouble believing it, especially Jenni and Sammi. Deena starts to cry. Jenni thinks that Deena is overacting.
He was like my soul.
I am drunk Deena’s mom.
I’m like a shopper at a store.
Mike about girls
-What you doing tomorrow?
-Having breakfast with you!
-Ok, I like French toast.
Mike and his girl
Pauly brings a girl back to the house to get it in for his man Vinny. Deena comes back and starts the waterworks. WTF.
Mike is trying to commit a robbery on Pauly’s girl, at least he tried. I wonder what his girl was thinking about that. Well, it wasn’t that bad, to be honest.
Vinny arrives home.
Love you, I won’t cheat on you.
Snooki to Jionni
Let’s just get wastypants.
Snooki and Deena have a meatball day.
I love to be gay man’s butt fly.
You know it’s bad when I’m the sober one.
Snooki gets hammered and has to be escorted home. Well, not home but to Aztec. They have a dance off and fall to the ground.
She might as well go Britney Spears and shave her head coz it’s fricking ruined.
The meatballs come back and Deena’s hair is a mess.
That’s ingredients for a fucking situation.
The HM go to Karma. Mike meets up with the Unit. Pauly hooks up with some tattooed chick and takes her home early. A fight breaks out that doesn’t involve the HM. Snooki and Jionni go back home to smush. Mike learns that the Unit just got kicked out of the club.
Ronnie, Mike and Jenni head to work the next day. Ronnie doesn’t like working with them because they don’t do anything. Mike spots a Bosnian cutie, sells her some bootie shorts, and gets told that she likes grill cheeses in the morning.
The HM go out. Mike meets the Bosnian girl but then spots Paula, looking quite hot so he ditches the girl and leaves her for Pauly. Pauly takes her home. Mike takes home Paula.
You can come to bed or I can call you a cab, it’s up to you.
He needs to get it in on his birthday.
Pauly dumps her out the door.
She seems like a nice girl, that’s why she doesn’t belong here.
Sammi and Ronnie
Sammi likes Paula. The Bosnian chick is back. She knocks at the door. She wants to hang out with Mike, who’s busy with Paula. She’s on the patio with Mike. Mike tries to tell her goodbye and get back to Paula.
She’s like AAA, you call her and she’s there.
Mike about Paula
The Sitch could get wifed up.
The next day, Pauly’s family shows up. His mother brought his barber so that he could cut his hair.
Me and you we have to interview the strippers.
I’m not the smartest crayon in the box.
The girls are trying to put together a party for Pauly. Pauly goes to dinner with his family. Mike dips out. He can’t handle that Pauly’s family is here to celebrate with him.
I’m like a house with no legs right now.
Mike starts snoring on a nearby couch. The HM hear this and decide to play a prank.
The meatballs bake a cake and Sammi frosts it up for Pauly.
Obviously Mike knows that we all Pauly better than him so the fact that we made a cake for Pauly and not Mike. That’s what you get for being a fucking douchebag.
I’m just tone deaf and stupid when it comes to Mike.
Mike leaves. The meatballs ordered a male stripper instead of a girl.
-And we’re down to six.
-Dropping like flies.
Deena and Snooki
* * * * *
- How Bad Was The Jersey Shore? Bad! Jersey Shore S01E01-02 (MTV)
- Jersey Shore S01E03 Good Riddance
- Jersey Shore S01E04 Fade to Black
- Jersey Shore S01E05 Just Another Day At The Shore
- Jersey Shore S01E06 Boardwalk Blowouts
- Jersey Shore S01E07 What Happens In AC
- Jersey Shore S01E08 One Shot
- Jersey Shore S01E09
- Jersey Shore S02E01
- Jersey Shore S02E02
- Jersey Shore S02E03
- Jersey Shore S02E04
- Jersey Shore S02E05
- Jersey Shore S02E06
- Jersey Shore S02E07
- Jersey Shore S02E08
- Jersey Shore S02E09
- Jersey Shore S02E10
- Jersey Shore S02E11
- Jersey Shore S02E12
- Jersey Shore S02E13
- Jersey Shore S03E01
- Jersey Shore S03E02
- Jersey Shore S03E03
- Jersey Shore S03E04
- Jersey Shore S03E05
- Jersey Shore S03E06
- Jersey Shore S03E07
- Jersey Shore S03E08
- Jersey Shore S03E09
- Jersey Shore S03E10
- Jersey Shore S03E11
- Jersey Shore S03E12
- Jersey Shore S03E13
- Jersey Shore S04E01
- Jersey Shore S04E02
- Jersey Shore S04E03
- Jersey Shore S04E04
- Jersey Shore S04E05
- Jersey Shore S04E06
- Jersey Shore S04E07
- Jersey Shore S04E08
- Jersey Shore S04E09
- Jersey Shore S04E10
- Jersey Shore S04E11
- Jersey Shore S04E12
- Jersey Shore S05E01
- Jersey Shore S05E02