I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true. I’ve also noticed that the vocabulary that the cast uses is quite insidious and sometimes appropriate, especially if you go out a lot and date. The words DTF, creeping, and other terms are a common occurrence when you open your eyes. The vocabulary is also very easy to use.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. After a couple of days without Vinny, the HM head to Staten Island to free him from the clutches of his mom. He comes back.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
Danny comes by and says that he needs some more people in the house. With Jenni sleeping on the job and Mike leaving, there will be 2 more people coming in. WTF.
The HM aren’t happy about this. Mike comes back. He doesn’t say much.
I isolate myself to see if someone will make the effort.
The next day they go to work. Pauly is with the meatballs. After selling some t-shirts, the meatballs get some temporary tattoos. Deena calls Vinny to see if he’ll come down to work or for Pauly’s party.
The meatballs are trying to make Pauly teach them how to walk hard.
We’re going to fight people.
Dude you’re not shooting porn.
The girls arrange some strippers. They set up Karma for the birthday party.
Ronnie and Mike are late for work again, as always. Danny isn’t happy. Danny prints up a poster for Help Wanted. Some chick named Alyssa shows up. Other girls show up. The second girl is nice looking. Jenni takes the sign down. Danny makes her write another one.
Mike keeps napping at work.
The meatballs go buy some party supplies. They buy some bunny suits.
Let’s have bunny sex.
Roger shows up. The HM leave for Karma. Neither Pauly nor Mike know what’s going to happen. Even Mike was surprised. The girls wheel in the wheelchairs. They get handcuffed to them. TWo strippers pop out of cardboard birthday cakes.
The blonde stripper is all over Mike. Pauly got some brunette on the hook. The stripper is complaining about Mike socks. It pisses Mike off and he just goes to sleep. Deena and Ronnie call Vinny and get his voicemail. Ronnie is about to cry. It makes Deena cry.
Yeah buddy, everyone should get birthday sex.
The stripper stayed over for the night. Pauly’s girl went home after getting laid.
Deena invites Ronnie’s friend Joey over for couple’s night. Right after, Deena gets taken out by a trash bag filled with the bunny suits. They get dressed up. They decide to scare Jenni. Snooki wants to get Ron while he’s sleeping.
Jionni shows up with some roses.
-To get it in real quick?
Snooki and Sammi
Paula comes by. The HM are going to Bamboo. Snooki and Jionni sleep after smushing.
10 seconds into the club, Sammi gets into a fight. Someone attacked Sam.
I was always taught to self-defend myself.
The HM go back to the house. Mike is acting weird. Deena gets in bed with Joey, but her alarm keeps going off, even after it’s no longer plugged in.
The HM are sad that Vinny isn’t home. Pauly is developing a funk as well.
I feel like a waste of life.
Pauly wants to get Vinny. They wake everyone up. Pauly wants some shirts made to make Vinny feel welcome.
Today is GTGVB. Gym, Tan, Get Vinny Back.
Pauly is nervous. No one is answering.
This f*cking blows for Skittles right now.
They barge in like a SWAT team. He’s home. Vinny is pretty happy. Vinny got a tattoo. It says ‘Let go let God’. Deena likes what he looks like. Vinny is coming back to the house.
I think I saw a ball.
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- How Bad Was The Jersey Shore? Bad! Jersey Shore S01E01-02 (MTV)
- Jersey Shore S01E03 Good Riddance
- Jersey Shore S01E04 Fade to Black
- Jersey Shore S01E05 Just Another Day At The Shore
- Jersey Shore S01E06 Boardwalk Blowouts
- Jersey Shore S01E07 What Happens In AC
- Jersey Shore S01E08 One Shot
- Jersey Shore S01E09
- Jersey Shore S02E01
- Jersey Shore S02E02
- Jersey Shore S02E03
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- Jersey Shore S03E01
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- Jersey Shore S03E11
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- Jersey Shore S03E13
- Jersey Shore S04E01
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- Jersey Shore S05E01
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- Jersey Shore S05E03