I’ve mentioned to someone that watching the Jersey Shore is like watching Animal Planet. It’s like watching the mating habits of a cheetah, or something like that. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true. I’ve also noticed that the vocabulary that the cast uses is quite insidious and sometimes appropriate, especially if you go out a lot and date. The words DTF, creeping, and other terms are a common occurrence when you open your eyes. The vocabulary is also very easy to use.
Where to begin? The douchebagginess of the cast leaves you speechless. There are no words to describe these self-professed guidos and guidettes. Mike is being nice and the HM can’t believe their luck. They think that he’s up to something. This makes Mike paranoid and he actually gets up to something by calling his pal The Unit to create some drama in next week’s episode.
Warning: This post might offend you.
[Ed. note: I had to put some warning here, and I thought that this was kind of funny, but you have been warned!]
Mike tells Vinny that Snooki is the troublemaker. He calls up The Unit to set the record straight. He’s in Miami.
Deena sister slept with Mike’s brother.
At least she got her hair done.
Deena about Jenni
While waiting for the others to get ready, Mike falls asleep. Snooki wake him up.
Aztec is the sweat box.
The HM go out to Aztec. Jenny hasn’t seen Roger so she doesn’t feel good. She leaves early.
Vinny meets Deanna, but he thinks that she’s only a 5 or a 6. During the weekend, he’s looking for a 7 or an 8. Then he meets Niki, who’s hotter.
Vinny gets busted while playing with a couple of girls at the same time. Deena covers for Vinny.
That’s a good wingman right there.
Ronnie about Deena
I’m drunk right now and I have no idea what’s going on so I walk home. The boardwalk is kind of like a piece of cake when you walk on it drunk because it’s nothing like the cobblestones.
Snooki manages to get home. Vinny realizes that his girl is a lesbian.
I’m a good transition for a lesbian girl.
When you take a lesbian back to the straight team, that is like Christopher Columbus like discovering America, that is a major accomplishment.
The HM leave. Vinny is trying to convince the lesbian girl to sleep with him while Deena is still entertaining Deanna.
Vinny is walking with the lesbianus.
Vinny strikes out. Niki goes home. Deena’s got his backup girl at home.
The next day Jenni calls Roger. She finally reaches him. He says that he lost his phone.
I need a f*cking therapist and I need AA meetings at this point.
You hurt my eyeballs.
Snooki to the sun
Daytime is so f*cking annoying.
The girls stayed over with Vinny and Pauly.
I’m like a walking meatball, marinating.
Later Roger calls Jenni and says that he’ll be late. She sort of freaks out on the phone, but it’s understandable. Roger doesn’t want the drama anymore. He tells her to f*ck off.
We’re always Bad News Bears.
The Meatballs play the follow game at work. Then they run out. Danny is pissed. He goes looking for the Meatballs. When they see him, they try to hide. He gets them back. Then, they leave with some girl to get drinks. Danny is even more pissed. At least Pauly is responsible.
Some girl is stalking Pauly. He’s never spoken to her. Pauly tells the HM about the stalker. The boys roll out with Jenni to try and find the Meatballs. Mike is back home. They find them easily enough. It look sleek they are already wasted and creating a scene, as usual.
Pauly spots his stalker. It looks like the boys need their police protection. I can see some cops or security around them as they walk on the boardwalk.
Mike realizes that he’s alone in the house. The Meatballs come back to get changed and take Mike with them. Mike has trouble understanding why Snooki is being nice to him.
Pauly and Vinny are playing pool. Pauly plays with Vinny. Vinny threatens him with the stalker. Pauly is sorry but Vinny calls stalker chick over. Now Pauly is stuck with her.
It’s a war out there as it is, but me and Vinny, we’re pulling grenades on each other.
Pauly ducks out to the bathroom to ditch the stalker.
We’re team crazy pants.
The next day, Pauly tells Deena that Danny is pissed. Ronnie tells her that she should apologize. She phones him instead. Danny says that an apology isn’t getting her far.
How is there a pretzel in may makeup?
You saw a Dinah-vagina.
Mike calls up The Unit to get the lay down on Deena’s sister an his brother. He says that it was a smash and dash.
A leopard never shed its stripes.
Deena, clueless as ever
Then Joanie, Deena’s sister calls Mike. WTF. I wonder why Mike is getting involved. He’s a shit stirrer.
The next day, Pauly and Vinny see Roger at the gym. He’s pissed but he’s not going to call Jenni back. He’s an adult. The boys agree with him.
They tell Jenni. She sounds pissed but then calls Roger. She apologizes. He doesn’t apologize. He thinks that she doesn’t trust him.
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- How Bad Was The Jersey Shore? Bad! Jersey Shore S01E01-02 (MTV)
- Jersey Shore S01E03 Good Riddance
- Jersey Shore S01E04 Fade to Black
- Jersey Shore S01E05 Just Another Day At The Shore
- Jersey Shore S01E06 Boardwalk Blowouts
- Jersey Shore S01E07 What Happens In AC
- Jersey Shore S01E08 One Shot
- Jersey Shore S01E09
- Jersey Shore S02E01
- Jersey Shore S02E02
- Jersey Shore S02E03
- Jersey Shore S02E04
- Jersey Shore S02E05
- Jersey Shore S02E06
- Jersey Shore S02E07
- Jersey Shore S02E08
- Jersey Shore S02E09
- Jersey Shore S02E10
- Jersey Shore S02E11
- Jersey Shore S02E12
- Jersey Shore S02E13
- Jersey Shore S03E01
- Jersey Shore S03E02
- Jersey Shore S03E03
- Jersey Shore S03E04
- Jersey Shore S03E05
- Jersey Shore S03E06
- Jersey Shore S03E07
- Jersey Shore S03E08
- Jersey Shore S03E09
- Jersey Shore S03E10
- Jersey Shore S03E11
- Jersey Shore S03E12
- Jersey Shore S03E13
- Jersey Shore S04E01
- Jersey Shore S04E02
- Jersey Shore S04E03
- Jersey Shore S04E04
- Jersey Shore S04E05
- Jersey Shore S04E06
- Jersey Shore S04E07
- Jersey Shore S04E08
- Jersey Shore S04E09
- Jersey Shore S04E10
- Jersey Shore S04E11
- Jersey Shore S04E12
- Jersey Shore S05E01
- Jersey Shore S05E02
- Jersey Shore S05E03
- Jersey Shore S05E04
- Jersey Shore S05E05