Grannys & Wooly Mammoths

Today, my grandson asked how old I am and whether I’d seen Mammoths “for real” when I was a kid. FML

This one had my wife laughing out loud for quite a bit. I also discovered that I was born on a Monday, the same day as my wife.

It’s Pat on FMyLife

Today, I was walking with my husband, holding hands, when a man with a rainbow shirt on came up to us. He said, “I’m so glad that gay men can go out in public without being embarassed nowdays!” He patted me on the back and walked away. I’m a woman. FML

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Peanuts on FMyLife

Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor’s house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, “I hope this kills you!” because I’m allergic to peanuts. FML

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Balls and FMyLife

Today, at a family picnic, my grandpa told me to toss him a beer. After I questioned him on whether it was a good idea, he insulted me and again demanded that I toss him a beer. I did so, and ended up hitting him in the head. When I tried to apologize, he hit me in the balls with his walker. FML

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This FMyLife has been deleted from the site. Luckily, I saved it in GReader.

Litterbox on FMyLife

Today, I was at my boyfriend’s house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn’t working, so I peed in his cat’s litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML

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Bigger Pitbull on FMyLife

Today, it was my next-door neighbor’s birthday. Over the past year, his pitbull has attacked my stepdad several times and put some stiches on me. Lucky for us, the dog was finally put down. For his birthday my neighbor got a new, bigger, pitbull. FML

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Naughtyshirt on FMyLife

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read “My mom’s easy i’m living proof.” Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

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