Big Brother UK S09D01 (E4)

It’s time for a new batch of HM to enter the new BBUK house. Davina is back with her great presenting skills, making the show very entertaining. Of all of the BB shows, the BBUK one is most definitely the best. The best HM, the best consequences for breaking the rules.

This year’s theme is Zero Tolerance. There are severe consequences for breaking any rules. It looks like it’s going to be a fun summer. The new batch of HM are interesting. There are definitely going to be some sparks flying around. The house has been totally rebuilt and is looking good.

Back in February 2008, the BBUK house was completely demolished and rebuilt. BB’s got a new regime of Zero Tolerance. If a HM breaks a rule, they will be sent to jail in the BBUK jail. If the HM persistently break the rules, the HM are sent to solitary confinement.

Davina hilariously rolls herself around the plush carpets of one of the bedrooms. One of the bedrooms is very luxurious. The other bedroom is filled with very simple beds. The bathroom looks very luxurious as well, but the bathroom has a see-thru door. There is not a lot of privacy.

The HM have to buy tokens in order to buy things that they have been used to getting before. The diary room looks great.

Mario is a 42 year old sale rep. Lids is a 40 year old sales rep. They are a couple. She’s got giant boobs. He pawned his Rolex to get her some giant fake boobs. They get a lot of boos.

The next HM is a 20 year old politics student named Luke. He says that he’s got an air of homosexuality about him, even though he’s straight. Luke gets a lot of boos.

Stephanie is a 19 year old student. She rates herself as a 10 for looks and 10 for intelligence. The HM are called to the diary room. BB tells them that they have to take part in a secret mission. No one must discover that Mario and Lisa are a couple. BB has devised are a cover story. Mario must pretend that he’s in a relationship with Stephanie. Lisa must pretend that she first met Mario tonight. If they are successful, they will be safe from nomination and the other HM will be nominated. If they fail, they will be nominated.

Rachel is a 24 year old teaching trainee. She’s been in 22 commercials, gone from a size 16 to a size 8, talks a lot and is annoying. She’s been in a movie with Hugh Grant and drew a total of 98 smiley faces on her application form. She’s a pretty happy girl. The crowd isn’t booing her. There are a few scattered boos.

During the last commercial break, the 4 HM devised a plan. Stephanie and Mario have been dating for 8 months. Mario isn’t 43 but 33.

Rachel seems to be obsessed by breasts.

Dale is a 21 year old student. He hates kids and working. He wants some money out of this and some fame. He would put cool bastard on his gravestone. He rates himself as a 10 for looks, funniness and ruthlessness. But 4/10 for generosity and honesty.

If there’s any fanny in there, I’ll nail it.
Dale.

Sylvia is a 21 year old student. She’s from Sierra Leone and came over here when she was 11. She’s not argumentative, but she’s got a very sharp tongue. Her motivation is to win. She gets some boos. A lot of them.

Dennis is a 23 year old Scottish dance student. He’s gay. He comes in with a strange hat. Luke looks shocked when Dennis walks in.

Did you see my bottom?
A fly just flew into my cleavage.
Davina.

Michael is a 33 year old Scottish radio producer. He’s blind. Michael doesn’t get any boos. He likes dressing up as women. He speaks Danish. Mario is overworking the couple angle. He’s egging it way too much. No now will believe them.

Alexandra is a 23 year old accounts executive. She’s got a gold tooth. She’s getting the most boos out of anybody. She got preggers a 15 and had her daughter at 16. She’s a Muslim, but not practicing. The crowd kept chanting out repeatedly.

Rex is a 24 year old executive chef. He’s loaded. He doesn’t get that many boos. He’s working in his father’s restaurants. He oversees what happens in two restaurants. He’d sleep for anyone for 50 quid.

Mohamed is a 23 year old toy demonstrator. He’s from Somalia. He’s not a practicing Muslim either. He drinks and eats pork. He doesn’t get any boos.

Rebecca is a 23 year old nursery nurse. She’s hard to understand. She looks after 4 year olds. She’s rubbish with boys. She’s a bit chubby. She’s wearing a very short skirt and gives the crowd an eyeful of her underwear. She’s quite excitable.

Darnell is a 26 year old songwriter. He’s an albino. He’s American. He’s African-American. He’s never watched BB. He was raised in America, but born in the UK.

Most of the HM misunderstand his name and call him either Donald or Daniel.

Jennifer is a 22 year old part time model. She’s got a baby. She’s a MILF. She doesn’t get too many boos. The biggest lie she’s ever told is that she had a dolphin in her back garden. I like her. She’s not too full of herself.

Kathreya is a 30 Thai massage specialist. Her mother isn’t a prostitute. She comes from Bangkok. She was born and raised there. She loves dancing. She’s a little fatty. She loves cookies.

Rebecca keeps screaming when Kathreya walks in. She’ll get annoying fast.

Davina says that Mario and Stephanie will get married for real, or so they think.