The Vampire Diaries Friday Night Bites S01E03 (CW)

The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia
The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia

Fresh on the heels of the boring Twilight craze, and the well-deserved True Blood phase, CW is offering up its latest in teen dramas. Apparently, this show drew 5 million viewers its first night. That’s probably due to Twilight-hype. I can’t stand Twilight. It sucks ass. I couldn’t read the books, but read a review from Dan Bergstein on those Stephanie Meyer books. It was very entertaining. The movie kind of sucked as well.

This is the situation, as I’ve divined it using my psychic powers. The Fox network saw that Twilight was really working well. Wow, maybe vamps are cool again, said one exec. Another said, maybe not, remember Forever Knight. Then, everyone went bonkers for True Blood. The same exec said it confirmed his theory that vamps are back in, notably teen vamps, not crazy sex-addicted vamps. One exec mentioned Teen Wolf, the other slapped him on the back of the head.

So, we need to find a teen vampire series. Wait, my daughter used to read some vampire thingie called The Vampire Diaries in the 90s. Let’s pressure L. J. Smith to write some sequels as an added incentive. That will make it cool!

Warning: spoilers ahead

* * * * *

The vampire pedophile is trying to adapt to life as a teenager. It must be very annoying and he must feel like an idiot trying to pass as an imbecile. Teenagers are dumb and Stefan is just realizing at how stupid they are. I don’t know why I just wrote this, but it was fun so I did, there ya go.

Back to vampires and pedophilia. Stefan joins the football team and becomes an ace player, much to the regret of his frenemies. Damon continues getting into Elena’s life. She makes the mistake of inviting him in. Now he can peep and perv on her whenever he wants.

Anyway, Bonnie believes that she is psychic. Caroline is wearing scarves and Damon is being an ass, trying to “ruin” things for Stefan with his teenybopper Elena.

* * * * *

So in the last episode, Damon fed on Caroline. I wonder if she’s a) dead or b) become a vampire or c) become a ghoul of some kind. Caroline wakes up in Damon’s bed. Her neck is bloody. He’s sleeping beside her. She creeps away. He surprises her and tries to get away. He pushes her around. He feeds on her some more.

Bonnie and Elena arrive at school. Bonnie is warning Elena away from Stefan because of her premonition. Elena won’t have it. She is happy to be with Stefan the pedophile.

Vicki wants to take Jeremy to a concert. Jeremy rebuffs her for ignoring him and getting back with Tyler. Everything for Stephan happened a long time ago. Since he’s supposed to be a teen, it’s what, 2 weeks ago? Once again, the teacher defies Stephan and he dumbfounds him with his knowledge with dates.

Tanner lets Stephan try out for the football team. He does so because Elena urged him. Ty and Matt plan on taking him out. Elena goes back to being a cheerleader. Caroline arrives with a scarf and it’s obvious that she’s banging Damon. Elena gives him some nasty stares while Stephan does well in football practice.

The pedophile vamps talk their conquests over. Stephan is all huffy and mad at Damon. Bonnie and Elena are preparing dinner. Bonnie is all spooky because she is a witch. Elena wanted to have dinner so that Elena and Stephan make up. She can’t have her boyfriend and BFF not getting along.

Elena tells Stephan that Bonnie is a witch. Bonnie says that she is from Salem. For some reason, Caroline and Damon drop by. Stephan tries to stop Damon from getting invited in, but Elena does so regardless of what Stephan says.

At the grill, Jeremy pushes Ty to get into a fight. Matt is pissed at Vicki for letting this happen. She is involved with both of them.

Damon tells Elena that Katherine died in a fire. Both of the Salvatore brothers dated Katherine. Damon is dominating Caroline, making her his puppet with his vampiric powers. Damon threatens Elena and says that he will come after her whenever he wants to. After everyone is gone, Elena and Stephan hook up in her bed. It’s just a dream. She dreams that Stephan’s face turns into Damon’s. It’s just Damon using his crow to mess with her mind.

Stephan looks around his place to find a way to protect Elena. Elena quit the cheerleader team. He gives her a locket. Caroline won’t let Elena quit. There is some kind of pep rally. At the pep rally, Tyler beats up Jeremy. Stephan stops him. He was injured but he heals himself. Elena saw Jeremy stab Stephan in the hand. He denies it happened. He says that it was someone else’s blood.

Bonnie saw the numbers 8 14 22. She saw death in Stephan. Elena asks her this after the rally. Damon tries to dominate Elena. It doesn’t work and she slaps him when he tries to kiss her.

Damon squares off with Stephan again. He is pissed that Stephan gave Elena the locket filled with Verbena. When Stephan tries to reason with Damon saying something about his humanity, he pounces on Tanner and drinks from him.

Matt finds his body. Tanner is dead. This happened at building 8, near a car with the license plate 14 in parking # 22. Bonnie freaks out.

Vicki comes to find Jeremy and says that she screwed him not just for the drugs.

Stephan thinks that nothing human is left in Damon. Meanwhile, pedo Damon is peeping on Elena in her bedroom while she is sleeping.

* * * * *

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Author: range

I'm mathematician/IT strategist/blogger from Canada living in Taipei.

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