The Vampire Diaries Youre Undead to Me S01E05 (Fox)

The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia
The Vampire Diaries logo on CW, image via wikipedia

Fresh on the heels of the boring Twilight craze, and the well-deserved True Blood phase, CW is offering up its latest in teen dramas. Apparently, this show drew 5 million viewers its first night. That’s probably due to Twilight-hype. I can’t stand Twilight. It sucks ass. I couldn’t read the books, but read a review from Dan Bergstein on those Stephanie Meyer books. It was very entertaining. The movie kind of sucked as well.

This is the situation, as I’ve divined it using my psychic powers. The Fox network saw that Twilight was really working well. Wow, maybe vamps are cool again, said one exec. Another said, maybe not, remember Forever Knight. Then, everyone went bonkers for True Blood. The same exec said it confirmed his theory that vamps are back in, notably teen vamps, not crazy sex-addicted vamps. One exec mentioned Teen Wolf, the other slapped him on the back of the head.

So, we need to find a teen vampire series. Wait, my daughter used to read some vampire thingie called The Vampire Diaries in the 90s. Let’s pressure L. J. Smith to write some sequels as an added incentive. That will make it cool!

Warning: spoilers ahead

* * * * *

The vampire pedophile’s game is going badly. He can’t fake his vampire-ness to Elena anymore. His mask is slipping and Elena is a relentless investigative journalist, so she easily finds out that Stefan is a vampire. Meanwhile, the anti-vampiric society is looking for the mystical watch which will set them free, but they can’t find it, even with Logan poking around Jeremy’s room while he is trying to get back into Jenna’s pants. Jeremy, the dealer, has trouble with Vicki, because he’s sick of always getting high with her. Duh! Vicki is a coke and pill-fiend, so she keeps popping them pills.

Stefan’s plan is to starve Damon and get him to mummify. Then, he’ll put him in the family crypt for 50 years. Wow, I wonder what the vampire pedo does to his enemies? Bonnie goes back to see her old grandpa for advice. Her witching powers are out of control. Caroline gets drained and Damon hasn’t got his ring anymore, so he burns in the sun.

* * * * *

Stefan took Damon’s ring. Stefan wants to reeducate Damon. In a week, he’ll desiccate and become a mummy. Stefan says that he will move him to the family crypt and they will re-evaluate in 50 years.

Elena is surprised to see Vicki using the bedroom. She tells Jenna. Elena is still miffed about Stefan.

Caroline tells Bonnie that there are gaps in her memory. Bonnie sees the crystal. Caroline is very protective of it.

The next day, Stefan meets up with Elena. He tells Caroline that Damon isn’t coming back. They make plans to meet at the Grill. He’s late. Damon has got enough power to try and get at Zack. Stefan is there to stop him. He is an hour late. An old man tells Stefan that he knows him and that he hasn’t aged a day. Stefan tries to take her away, but Elena is just too annoyed. She leaves.

The Sheriff meets with Logan. They still haven’t found trace of the vampires. It must be in a house. The Sheriff says that the watch from the Gilberts is passed down from father to son. She says to look at Jeremy. Jenna meets up with Logan.

Stefan has come to Elena’s to make some dinner. Vicki wants to get high with Jeremy again. She is snorting some of Elena’s pain meds. When Elena cuts her finger, Stefan changes. Elena sees his reflection. I think that his finger turned black from the garlic, or not.

Damon is trying to call Caroline with his mind. She hears him. His crow goes to see her.

There is fundraiser. It’s a sexy stud carwash. Matt watches Stefan and Elena kiss. Bonnie uses her TK powers to drench a rude girl. The proceeds are going to the school’s athletic department.

The crow is near Caroline again. It’s Damon’s conduit into Caroline’s mind. He asks her for help. The old man who recognized Stefan is by. He stayed at the Salavatore Boarding House. His uncle Josef was killed by a wild animal. This happened years ago. He remembered his ring and his brother Damon. This was in 1953.

Vicki takes Jeremy to the cemetery where she hangs out to smoke dope with some buddies. Jeremy doesn’t like that she lifted the pills from Elena and took them back. Vicki is pissed. Caroline arrives at the Salvatore Mansion. He wants her to open the door to his prison. Zack stops her in time, but Damon makes it out anyway. Caroline flees. Damon is too weak to be fast. He also burns in the sun.

Elena asks Logan for access to the news archives. Meanwhile, the mean girl puts Bonnie in charge of sweeping. She started a fire to dry the pavement. Stefan gets her out of it. Matt tells Stefan that Elena is big on trust. The more that he tries to hide something, the more Elena will try to find it out.

At the TV station, Elena sees footage of Joseph’s death. She sees an image of Stefan in the distance. It looks like her Stefan.

Stefan finds that Zack is dead and that Damon is gone.

Caroline is in bed. The moonlight shines through the crystal mysteriously. Bonnie pays her grandma a visit. She is a witch. Logan only went back to Jenna’s place to look for the watch.

Elena puts two and two together and deduces that Stefan is a vampire. Damon finds Vicki and the punks at the cemetery. He drains her. Stefan takes a stake and heads out. He comes across Elena at his doorstep.

* * * * *

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Author: range

I'm mathematician/IT strategist/blogger from Canada living in Taipei.

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