Big Brother UK S12E01 (Channel 5)

Well, CBBUK is over, and I’m happy to see that BBUK is back. The only thing that I dislike is that Davina McCall isn’t back. Brian Dowling just isn’t the same.

Pamela Anderson is waiting in the BBUK house for some new HM. 1st HM is Mark Henderson and he’s a single salesman. He says that people think that he’s stupid. Bellend? Maybe.

Maisy James is 19 and from Kent. She looks like a ditzy bottle blonde model. She’s single. The crowd doesn’t like her much. She’s relieved to see Mark inside.

The next HM is Aaron, 30, from Weston Super-Mare. People tell him that he’s arrogant. He’s single. He’s not liked. Boo! Mark gives him a hug, which surprised Aaron. He keeps saying okey-dokey. WTF.

The next HM is Heaven, some kind of BS artist. She’s into holistic healing and BS like that. She’s 30. She doesn’t like fake people. She won’t get alone with Maisy and she’s got a lisp. There are even more boos for her. Uh, fashion faux-pas right there. She’s wearing some strange dress that barely covers her tits.

Tom is a 20-year old sales rep from Birmingham. He gets mostly cheers. He says he gets his cock out without much prompting. Brian asks him about that and Tom replies that he’s not ashamed, his cock is massive.

I’m bisexual and can dance like a black girl. It’s a fact.
Tom

Cuddle me.
Mark to Tom (WTF?)

Tashie Jackson is 21 and from Oxford. She’s hot. She likes belly dancing. She’s an actress and singer. She speaks five languages and doesn’t drink alcohol. She gets a lot of cheers, less than Tom. She speaks Spanish, French, Arabic, Cypriot, and English.

I can shake my bum so fast that it looks like one big blur.
Tashie

Heaven knows Tashie, probably from the auditions.

Aden is 19 and from London. He says that he’s smart and sleeps with a teddy bear. He wants to be a therapist. My friends call me a player. He gets a mixed response. More positive than negative.

Aden knows Maisy. Alex is 18 and from Newcastle. Geordie Shore!

I work at McDonald’s. I give myself a 10.
Alex

I recon that she’s a 2. The crowd is somewhat quiet. The next HM is Harry. He’s 23 and owns a milkshake company. He’s posh and he’s got a girlfriend. He gets a lot of boos.

Rebeckah is 28 and from Liverpool. She’s a stripper and runs a non-profit dance school for children. Men make her very angry. She feels like Robin Hood, taking money from rich men and giving it to kids. She’s pretty. She’s an insomniac and only sleeps 4h a night. She’s got a cute nervous laugh and then starts to cry when she enters the house.

Anton Murphy is 23 and a musician. He calls himself the people’s champion. He used to be in a gang and into drugs. His mum sent him to private school to sort him out.

I’m a born winner, I’m the guy that all women fancy.
Anton

Faye is a 20-year old wrestler. Training is her life. She looks nice and natural.

If anyone annoys me I’ll clothesline ’em in the face.
Faye

Her dress is very skimpy but she looks really good. She’s pretty hot. All of the men check her out. They look stunned.

Jay is a Geordie boy from Newcastle. He’s a plumber, trainer, and fitness instructor. He’s 27 and also a barber. He trains 6 days a week. He’s got a lot of tattoos.

I’m here for non-stop body rock.
Jay

Louise is 25 and a good-looking model from Manchester. She’s wearing a dorky hat and a bad outfit. It’s funny how what Faye was wearing is how to do everything right with an outfit and what Louise is wearing is how to do everything wrong.

The HM meet Pamela. She’s pick 5 VIPs to live up the life in the BBUK house.

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