Big Brother UK S10E01 (Channel 4)

16 people are going into the BBUK house tonight and none of them are HM. Each of them will have to earn HM status. The BBUK house has changed and is filled with barrels and crates. They have one room and a garden.

It’s time for another summer BBUK! Time for scandals, outrageous behaviour and good TV.

The first non-HM is a 23-year old posh, rich entrepreneur named Freddie. The second NHM is a 41-year old unemployed lesbian named Lisa. She looks like a man. Sophie is a 20-year old glamour model. She’s been in Playboy and a self-confessed idiot. She’s a bottle blonde and has got giant fake tits. Kris is a 24-year old visual merchandiser. He thinks that he’s fit. He looks a bit like Russel Brand. Noirin is a 24-year old retail manager. Her mom is from Kenya. She loves Jesus but likes to flash men. She gets booed. She’s Irish. Cairon is a 18-year old student. He’s American.

I feel like weird wiping my own ass.

Angel is a 35-year old Russian pro boxer. She’s wearing a top hat and a cane to get into the house. She looks pretty bad. She’s doing a pantomime thing that’s not working. Karly is a 21-year self-confessed bitch from Scotland. She wants to be WAG. Marcus is a 35-year old window fitter. He’s got hair like Wolverine. He’s got ugly long hair. He’s actually wearing a mullet. That’s pretty bad. He needs a haircut. Beinazir is a 28-year old receptionist. Originally, her family is from Pakistan. She’s also a muslim. Sophia is a 26-year old private banking assistant. She looks totally overwhelmed and excited at the same time. She keeps screaming. She a bit under 5′. Rodrigo is a 23-year old bisexual student from Brazil.

England is turning me gay

Charlie is a 22-year old gay job centre advisor. He’s got a boyfriend and tells people he works for the government because it’s more glamorous. He goes into the house very quickly. Saffia is a 27-year old dental nurse. She’s got 2 kids and single mother.

Men are just sperm donors.

Sree is a 25-year old student union president from India. He’s wearing the Union Jack as a shirt and waving an Indian flag about. He leaves the flag with a guard at the entrance. Siavash is a 23-year old event organiser. He was born in Iran. He’s quite full of himself and gets universal boos.

BB calls one HM to the diary room. Rodrigo goes. BB tells him that no one is a HM. They are all NHM. They need to earn the right to become a HM. They must each complete a personal challenge. In order to become a HM he must convince someone to sit on the barber’s chair in the living hair. They must allow him to shave off both of their eyebrows. Then, Rodrigo must draw a pair of glasses and a mustache in permanent marker. If the completes this, both of the NHM become HM. BB says that the HM chosen will have to draw eyeglasses and a mustache on their face for the foreseeable future. He is permitted to tell this to the house. He’s got 4 minutes to complete his challenge. For some reason, Noirin volunteers. They can now enter the bedroom. They also get food and champagne. Rodrigo tells Noirin that she can draw on his face as well.

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Big Brother’s Big Mouth S11E01 (Channel 4)

It looks like Davina is hosting BBBM.

They’re not like they used to be, these boobs!

I like to keep my va-jay-jay cleanly shaven, eleven!
It’s like a big willy and a giant bumhole, ten!
That Davina has got a right pair of banging tits, two!
(to this Davina replies, “You know, it’s true!”)
Alternative bingo girls

Fresh prince of bell-end.
Something Matt Horne read on twitter about Cairon

BB has called the NHM to the garden and asked them to put on NHM clothes. It’s a pair of tight underpants and a t-shirt. Apparently, Sophie went from a pair of natural double Fs to a pair of fake double Gs. From the Wikipedia page, it looks like Lisa and Kris also become HM.

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